Bakers recipes

 

Black Forest Cheesecake

 

1 packet Bakers Betta Snack Digestive Original biscuits, crushed

1/2 cup (125ml) melted mararine

1 tub (250ml) mascarpone cheese

1 tub (250ml) smooth cottage cheese

1 tin condensed milk

1 packet lemon jelly

1/2 cup (125ml) boiling water

1/2 cup (125ml) lemon juice

 

1. Mix Bakers Betta Snack Digestive Original biscuits and margerine to form the base of the cake and allow to set in a 22cm diameter lined springform pan
2. Make the jelly by adding boiling water and then the lemon juice and allow to cool
3. Mix together the Mascarpone cheese, cottage cheese and condensed milk and pour in the jelly mixture
4. Pour over the base and allow to set in the fridge

TOPPING

 

1 tin black cherries, juice drained

1 tbsp cornflour

 

1. Thicken the cherry juice with cornflour over low heat
2. Add cherries, allow to cool and pour over cheesecake

Iced Granadilla Tart

 

1 packet Baker Ginger nuts, crushed

1/2 cup (125ml) melted margerine

1 packet lemon or lime jelly

1/2 cup (125ml) boiling water

1/2 cup (125ml) cold water

1/2 tin condensed milk

2 tins granadilla pup, reserving 2 tbsp for decoration

whipped cream

 

1. Combine crushed biscuits and melted margarine
2. Lien base of a tart dish with biscuits mixture
3. Make the jelly by mixing powder with boiling water and then cold water, and allow to cool to room temperature
4. Add condensed milk and granadilla pulp and mix well
5. Pour into biscuit base and refrigerate until chilled and set approx. 4 - 5 hours
6. Decorate with reserved fruit pulp and whipped cream

Quick Lemon Delight

 

1 Packet Bakers Tennis Biscuits

2 cups (500ml) Ellis Brown Coffee Creamer powder

1 cup (250ml) iced water

1 tin condensed milk

130ml lemon juice

garnish with thinly sliced lemon and some crushed biscuits

 

1. Lay whole Bakers Tennis Biscuits in glass dish
2. Mix the coffee creamer and the iced water
3. Add condensed milk and lemon juice and mix well
4. Pour half condensed milk mixture over the biscuits and pour over remaining mixture
5. Allow to set in the fridge for approx. 1 - 2 hours

Easy peanut bisuit puffs

 

1 x 200g Bakers Marie or Tennis Biscuits - roughly crushed

1 cup golden syrup

300ml sugar

300ml chunky peanut butter

 

1. Bring the syrup and sugar slowly to the boil over low heat
2. Stir in the peanut butter and broken biscuits
3. Place in small cupcake holders or drop spoonfuls onto wax paper and allow to cool
4. Store in an airtight container

Creamy Cherry Apricot Pie

 

1 packet orange or peach jelly

1/2 cup (125ml) boiling water

1/2 cup (125ml) cold water

2 tubs (175ml)  apricot yoghurt

1/2 cup halved maraschino cherries

 1 cup (250ml) cream, whipped

1 packet Bakers Marie Biscuits, crushed

1/2 cup (125ml) melted margarine

 

1. Mix crushed biscuits and margarine to form the base of the pie
2. Make jelly by adding boiling water and then cold water and allow to cool but not set
3. Add yoghurt, maraschino cherries to whipped cream, and fold into the jelly mixture
4. Pour yoghurt mix on top of biscuits and allow to set in the fridge for approx. 6 hours

Strawberry Winter Dessert

 

1 packet Bakers Romany Creams Classic Choc

11/2 cup (375ml) Milk

1 packet strawberry instant pudding

1/2 cup (125ml) frozen berries

1 tub (250ml) cream, whipped

 

1. Using a knife, seperate each biscuit by slicing through the chocolate and pulling the halves apart
2. Place seperated Bakers Romany Creams Classic Choc in a single layer pie dish
3. In a mixing bowl, combine milk and instant pudding and mix until thick
4. Fold in whipped cream
5. Stir in the frozen berries
6. Pour over seperated biscuits, place second layer of biscuits on top and pour over remaining pudding
7. Refrigerate for two hours and serve chilled. Best served on day of preperation.

Special Shortbread Torte

 

125g butter

125ml  castor sugar

2 eggs, seperated

100g ground almonds

2 drops almond essence

125ml Amarula cream liquer

2 boxes Bakers Eet Sum Mor Biscuits

100g melted chocolate

Flaked almonds to decorate

 

1. Beat butter and castor sugar in a bowl until creamy
2. Beat in egg yolks and fold in almond essence
3. Beat the egg whites to firm peaks before folding into almond mixture
4. Dip 8 Eat Sum More Biscuits into Amarula cream and place on a sheet of foil in 2 long rows to make a rectangle
5. Spread half the almond mixture onto biscuits
6. Place another 8 dipped biscuits on top, then the remaining filling
7. Top with the last layer of biscuits, dipping each one into Amarula Cream
8. Wrap in foil and refrigerate overnight
9. Transfer onto a serving platter and drizzle with melted chocolate and flaked almonds

 

 

grandma evelyn's xmas hermits

Ingredients

• 1 cup shortening
• 1 1/2 cups brown sugar
• 2 eggs, well beaten
• 1 cup raisins
• 1 cup dates, chopped
• 1/2 cup jarred maraschino cherries, chopped
• 1/3 walnuts, chopped
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 2 tablespoons boiling water
• 2 1/4-2 1/2 cups flour
• 1/4 teaspoon allspice
• 1 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon salt

Preparation

Pre-heat the oven to 350°F.

In a large bowl, cream the shortening, adding the sugar gradually. Add the eggs, fruit and nuts. In a small bowl, dissolve the baking soda in the boiling water; then add this mixture to the shortening mixture.

In a medium bowl, sift together the flour, allspice, cinnamon and salt. Add the flour mixture to the main bowl and stir.

Drop the batter in rounded teaspoons, about one inch apart, on an ungreased cookie sheet. Bake for 12-15 minutes until golden brown. Remove from the cookie sheet and place on a wire rack to cool. Serve and enjoy!

 

 

 

Lisas Brickle

Ingredients

• 1 cup butter
• 1 cup brown sugar
• 4 sleeves saltine crackers
• 4 cups chocolate chips
• 1 cup chopped nuts such as pistachios

Preparation

Preheat oven to 400°F.   Line a cookie sheet, preferably one with sides, with aluminum foil. Spread crackers side by side, one layer thick. If you do not have a cookie sheet with sides, build a little ridge with the tin foil so the sauce does't run off the sides.

Combine sugar and butter in a medium saucepan and bring to a boil.  Let boil until sugar dissolves, a few minutes max.  Pour hot sugar and butter mixture over crackers. Spread to cover evenly. Bake at 400°F for five minutes.  Take out of the oven and let them cool.

Meanwhile, melt chocolate chips in a double boiler or in a microwave proof dish.  Spread chocolate mix evenly over the top of the brickle cracker layer. Sprinkle with nuts and let cool to room temperature, then refrigerate for 1 hour. Break into pieces and store in airtight container in the refrigerator.

Kahlua chocolate chunk cookies

Ingredients

• 1 package dry chocolate chip cookie mix (about 16-18 ounces), found on baking aisle
• 7 tablespoons softened butter
• 1 large egg, beaten
• 4 tablespoons Kahlua or other coffee liqueur
• 3 tablespoons instant espresso or instant coffee crystals
• 1 tablespoon ground coffee beans
• 1 cup bittersweet chocolate chunks, such as Ghiradelli brand
• 4 ounces walnut pieces

Preparation

Pre-heat oven to 375°F.

Place racks in center of oven. In a mixing bowl, make a well in the center of dry chocolate chip cookie mix. Add softened butter, egg, Kahlua, instant coffee and ground coffee, chocolate chunks and walnuts. Mix well to combine all ingredients into cookie dough.

Scoop with a small scoop or by heaping tablespoons and drop cookies two inches apart on an ungreased nonstick cookie sheet or sheets lined with parchment paper. Bake cookies in batches for 9-11 minutes or until crisp and browned at edges. Transfer to wire rack to cool and serve.

5-minute fudge wreath

Ingredients

• 1 bag semisweet chocolate morsels (12 ounces)
  
• 9 ounces butterscotch morsels (3/4 of a 12 ounce bag)
• 1 can sweetened condensed milk (14 ounces)
  
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 can or package of walnut halves (8 ounces)
  
• 1/2 cup currants (a couple handfuls)
• 8-inch cake pan, lightly greased with softened butter
• Candied red and green cherries, for garnish (optional)

Preparation

Place a heavy pot on the stove and pre-heat it over low heat. Add chocolate and butterscotch morsels and milk and stir until morsels are melted and milk is combined. Save the empty condensed milk can. Stir in vanilla and remove fudge from heat. Add nuts and currants and stir in immediately.

Cover empty condensed milk can with plastic wrap and center it in the greased cake pan. Spoon fudge into pan around can, making sure to center the can if it drifts.

The fudge will set up almost immediately. Garnish can only be added in the first minute or two that the fudge is in the pan, so work quickly. Decorate your wreath with "holly" made from cut candied red and green cherries. A wreath left plain can be garnished with a pretty fabric bow when serving.

Chill covered in the refrigerator and slice fudge very thin when ready to serve – a little goes a long way!

triple chocolate cookies

 

• 1 cup butter
• 3/4 cup packed brown sugar
• 1/2 cup white sugar
• 1 egg
• 1 teaspoon rum extract
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 2/3 cup flour
• 1/2 cup cocoa
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 1/2 cup white chocolate chips
• 1 1/2 cup semi sweet chocolate chips

Preparation

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Cream together butter, brown sugar and white sugar.  Beat until smooth  Add egg, vanilla and rum extracts and blend together.

In a separate bowl, mix together flour, cocoa, salt and baking powder. 

Add wet ingredients to dry, a little at a time and stir but don't over mix.

Add chips.

Roll dough into small balls and place a few inches apart on an ungreased cookie sheet or a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper. 

Bake for 10 minutes.  Cookies will not look done but they will be.  Allow to cool one minutes on the tray and then slide onto cooking racks and let cookies cool completely before serving.

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• Grandma Kirstine's Butter Cookies
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• Peanut Butter and Jelly Cookie
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• Sorbet Bar

Cream Cheese and Jelly Cookies

• 1 cup butter, softened (Jenn prefers Hotel Bar brand)
• 1 8 ounce pakcage of cream cheese, softened
• 2 cups flour
• 1/2 Teaspoon salt
• Your favorite jelly or jam

Preparation

Blend together softened cream cheese and butter.  Add flour and salt and mix just until smooth and fully incorporated.  Wrap in plastic wrap and chill for a few hours or overnight.

Remove from fridge 15-30 minutes prior to rolling out.  Cut the dough into 4 pieces and roll out one piece at a time on a floured surface until it is about 1/8 of an inch thick.  Cut into square shapes.  Place a small amount of jam in the middle of the square and fold over to make a triangle.  Seal and crimp the edges by pressing down lightly with fork tines dipped in water.

Place cookies on ungreased cookie sheet and chill in the firdge for 30 minutes.  Meanwhile preheat the oven to 375°F.  Bake for 15-20 minutes

snowballs

Ingredients

• 1/2 cup butter or margarine – I always use butter
• 3 tablespoons powdered sugar
• 1 cup flour, sifted
• 1 cup finely chopped pecans
• Additional powdered sugar for coating cookies

Preparation

Cream the butter or margarine and 3 tablespoons of powdered sugar until fluffy in a medium size bowl. Stir in flour gradually, followed by the pecans, until well-blended. Chill for several hours, or until firm enough to handle.

Pre-heat the oven to 325°F. Roll the dough, a teaspoonful at a time, into marble-size balls between the palms of your hands. Place the balls 2 inches apart on ungreased cookie sheets.

Bake cookies for 20 minutes, or until lightly golden.

Cool on cookie sheets for 5 minutes and then carefully remove. Sprinkle a generous amount of powdered sugar into a pie plate. Roll cookies in powdered sugar while still warm to make a generous white coating. Allow cookies to then cool completely on wire racks.

Store cookies with waxed paper between layers in a container with a tight-fitting cover.

Note from Lisa's mom:
"If I don't happen to have pecans on hand, I use walnuts – and I imagine almonds would be good, too. But, pecans are the best. And, instead of rolling the cookies in powdered sugar, I sometimes use powdered cocoa."

Grandma Kristine's Butter Cookies

Ingredients

• 1 cup unsalted butter
• 1 cup sugar
• 2 teaspoons vanilla
• 1 egg
• 2 3/4 cups flour
• 1/4 teaspoon salt

Preparation

Pre-heat the oven to 375°F.

Cream the butter and sugar. Beat in the vanilla and egg. Gradually add the flour and salt.

Make small wreaths with the star-shaped extruder of a cookie press (or a cookie bag witha  star-shaped tip).

Bake for 8-10 minutes on an ungreased cookie sheet

whoah...a COOKIE blog

http://blog.rachaelray.com/index.php/2007/12/08/santa-and-the-best-chrsitmas-cookies-ever/

Gingerbread biscuits with reindeer and santa faces

SUBMITTED BY:

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson

Decorating gingerbread men is the perfect after school/after homework holiday activity! Ask a Grown-up Helper (GH) for help making the dough the night before so it can refrigerate all night and during the day. When you return from school, it will be ready for baking and decorating.

Below, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson has shared this delicious gingerbread recipe that he likes to make with his daughter. He says, "When I make gingerbread men with my daughter, we like to pour all the decorations into separate bowls and spread them out on the kitchen table. The frosting is our "glue" to affix all decorations. You can get creative when you make them and play holiday music and invite friends and family to participate."

And, while cookies are a "sometimes" treat, gingerbread is surprisingly low in fat. Plus, the cookies are filling, so just one with a glass of milk will do!

Click here to read more from "The Rock" in Your Stories.

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 cup unsalted butter
• 1/2 cup brown sugar
• 1/2 cup granulated white sugar
• 1 1/3 cups molasses (if using a liquid measuring cup, pour molasses all the way to top of the cup, past the "1 cup line")
• 1 large egg
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 tablespoon ground ginger
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg (a sprinkle)
• 5 cups all-purpose flour (sometimes 4 1/2 cups will do – you don't want the dough to be gooey)
• White or vanilla frosting, for decorating
• Raisins, dried cranberries or dried cherries, for decorating
• Assorted red, green and white sprinkles, for decorating

DIRECTIONS:

Tips: You will need an electric mixer for this recipe since the dough is quite thick. A hand held beater is not equipped to do the job. Ask a Grown-up Helper (GH) for help making the dough the night before so it can refrigerate all night and during the day. When you return from school, it will be ready for baking and decorating.

1. Setting your electric mixer on high speed, cream the butter. Add the brown and white sugar. Gradually mix in the molasses and egg. Beat on low speed until completely blended. Add the baking soda and spices. Gradually add in the flour. The mixture will become thick.
2. Divide the dough into four equal-size balls and wrap each ball in waxed paper. Place in the freezer for at least 2 hours OR refrigerate overnight.
3. Pre-heat the oven to 400°F. Lightly grease your cookie sheets with baking spray or line them with baking paper. Ask your GH for help with the oven if you need it.
4. Roll out the gingerbread dough on waxed paper with a rolling pin. You may need to sprinkle flour over the dough to keep it from sticking. Using a gingerbread man cookie cutter, cut your cookies and place them on the cookie sheets. If the scraps of dough get sticky, sprinkle flour or roll into a ball and refrigerate for a few minutes.
5. Bake the gingerbread men for 6 minutes. Because the gingerbread is dark brown, it is difficult to tell if the cookies are done. They will expand as they bake and should be golden brown on the bottom when done. Do NOT bake them for more than 6 minutes or they will burn on the bottom. Once done, let the cookies sit for about 5-8 minutes before removing them with a spatula. Make sure the cookies are 100% cool before you begin to decorate them. This recipe makes 24-60 cookies depending on the size of your cookie cutter.

numerology -

 

San-Mari, your Life Path of 9 ...

You are a deeply spiritual individual who often displays a deep interest in religion or the occult at a very early age. In fact many nines grow up to be psychics, healers, priests and nuns. You probably feel responsible for keeping up the morality or spirit of mankind in some way, or even responsible for their very souls. This is why many nines also end up working for the law as policemen or judges or in some aspect of spiritual or psychological counseling.

The emphasis of your life path is on finding ways to communicate the divinity of man in a practical context. As many nines are also very artistic, this connection with the higher powers might also be expressed through a talent such as writing, music or painting.

At some point in your life you have probably sworn to yourself to make this world a better place. You are extremely compassionate and feel above the matters that you feel causes factions of society to be divided. You are very aware of feeling as insignificant as a grain of sand in the Universe and believe that materialism, prejudice and lust just don't matter in the long run.

You have a charismatic and very open personality that attracts you a lot of friends. You are very social, sometimes at the expense of your other responsibilities. Sometimes a number nine might take too much time out during the day "to smell the flowers" and incur the resentment of those that are left to pick up the slack.

Your attitude towards life in general is very selfless and you usually have a good connection with God or a higher power. However often the number 9 faces a unique challenge at some point in his or her life that seems to be a test of faith. Usually this incident takes the form of a devastating personal loss, disease or some sort of tragedy. This triggers a period of time that lasts a few years that is often called the "dark night of the soul." It is usually during this period of your life that you find the extreme courage and strength to become what is called a wounded healer.

Your life may seem too tough to handle at times which makes you vulnerable to finding substitutes for the family unit. As you are naturally very lonely and insecure, you are particularly vulnerable to joining a cult or becoming fanatical in the religious sense.

If you are a number nine you may find your life seems more difficult than others. This is because it is common human nature to take advantage of your compassion, empathy and generosity. It may seem unfair to you that others do not appreciate the spiritual gifts that you have to offer, especially when you demand so little materially from the world. This is part of the problematic path of the number 9 who is often fated to learn that the path of true compassionate does not necessarily result in spiritual rewards for the healer either.

Although you may feel quite clear about your divine purpose and goals in life, others may perceive you as weird or spacey. This is why it is often difficult for a number 9 to keep a job for long. Relationships might also be very difficult for a 9 to sustain, as this particular path is a rather lonely one. Part of the 9's spiritual development is usually being presented with situations that force them to let go of emotional situations and connections that might interfere with the higher purpose that the cosmos has in store for them.

San-Mari, your Expression of 3 ...
Your Potential Natural Talents and Abilities

You are at the height of your self-expression when you feel that others are experiencing "being high on life" like you are. One of your personal goals may be to uplift humanity or spread joy or enthusiasm wherever you go. You know how to unite others through the magic of performance, song dance, singing, acting or literature. For this reason, you are fated to entertain others in some way, whether you are in showbiz or not!

You are imaginative in every way possible. As you are a great innovator your career choice may be unorthodox in some way. You consider the accumulation of experiences to be your greatest wealth so you may choose a career in which you travel a lot so you can meet as many people and encounter as many different kinds of situations as possible.

You love to dare to be grand and this is reflected in your mannerisms and speech. You often speak in full paragraphs and are a captivating storyteller. You often throw your entire body into your self-expression so that it is one with what you are saying. For this reason many of you make incredible actors, opera singers, teachers or performers.

You also have a natural dexterity that makes it easy for you to learn and play music. Threes are often blessed with a natural sense of comic timing as well as rhythm. This makes you an excellent dancer and lover.

You love philosophy and the old cliches that are true in life so when you feel lost emotionally you rely on wise words to get you through. You rarely take anything that happens to you in life personally, a trait that frustrates your enemies to no end. This ability to let stuff "roll off your back" serves you well in the many complex emotional situations that threes often get into.

You relate better to large groups of people then you do one on one. As threes are often no shows in their family lives and rarely have time to pay attention to their lovers they are likely to show their affection by giving lavish gifts. However this is often perceived by others as an attempt to buy others affection or as a lousy substitute for real emotional support.

As you adore being in the spotlight you probably dress to impress. Either you dress in the latest trendy fashions or in an eccentric fashion that makes it impossible for others not to notice you. As you are an oddly sentimental creature, you are fond of heirlooms and one of a kind jewelry and clothing that sets you apart from the crowd.

One of the greatest gifts you have to offer others is your boundless optimism and enthusiasm for life. Others who meet you rarely forget you as you always make a permanent first impression.

Although on the surface you might appear to be a bit shallow to others usually you are motivated by the desire to have others transcend petty emotions and pains in life. Nothing annoys you more than a person that insists on looking down at his shoes when he could be looking up at a big wide sky full of stars. The ultimate achievement of your life expression is to change the consciousness of others so that they aspire to their highest ideals. One way that you do this by continually reminding them through your actions that these ideals can be manifested through kind and wise action on earth.

San-Mari, your Soul Urge of 3 ...

What You Desire To Be, To Have, and To Do In Your Life

Your soul urge is about the cultivation and expression of your personality. Usually this energy manifests as a great achievement in the theatrical or artistic world. You shine at any kind of activity that involves public performance including acting, singing or politics. In fact, you love performing so much that you would do it for free. Exhibiting your talents is second nature for you although many of you also develop lucrative careers from doing so as well.

If your talents are not developed it seems that your unique soul urge may also manifest itself in lesser ways such as the development of a beautiful speaking voice, a distinctive way of dressing or a talent for being the perfect host or hostess. You don't necessarily care who or how many people you make an impact on. If an opportunity presents itself where you can be the center of attention than you will take advantage of it.

Perhaps your biggest asset is your rich imagination. This is your inner treasure chest from which you find the solutions to all of your problems and every body else's as well. You also have an incredible knack for story telling and mesmerizing others with your tales. You adore the innocence of children and nothing makes your heart happier than the sound of a child's laughter.

However your tendency towards non-stop chatter sometimes works against you as others perceive it as self-centered or a way of stealing focus. Also you are so clever with words that it may be hard for others to ever win an argument with you or even get a word in edgewise. As a result, you may often be left behind or not invited to engage in discussion at all.

You really don't handle rejection well and if you can't get the approval you crave you have a natural tendency to retreat into your own little world. Isolation is very unhealthy for you, as your imagination tends to distort situations and create paranoia and suspicion where it need not exist. Rather than sulk about a professional or relationship set back your best course of action is to pick yourself up and try again. If depression still persists then you need to throw a pail of cold water over your burning ego by going out and doing a deliberate act of charity or philanthropy for those who are less fortunate than you do. Only this will truly serve the higher calling of your soul and have you viewing the world through rose colored glasses again.

A great sense of humor is also one of your greatest assets and if you were a doctor you would heal by helping others to "laugh themselves well." You can't bear pessimistic people or persons that take life too seriously and will go to great lengths to lighten up sober types up. A drawback of this is that sometimes others perceive you as saying inappropriate things or not respecting the belief or wishes of another. One of your challenges in life is to recognize that there is a critic in every crowd.

However, no critic could ever be as hard on you as you are with yourself. As you are a perfectionist and a master of timing and delivery, you take it very hard if for some reason you miss an opportunity. This is because you set standards and expectations of yourself that are very high. It is hard for you to realize that your low are most other people's highs and that the best remedy for feelings of failure is to count your blessings.

 

 

The Sandton creature

The Sandton creature is extremely easy to spot, believe me, they don't go into hiding or attempt camouflage.

 

Want to find one? Well then...

 

Look for a manequin-type woman...in other words, a PLASTIC woman...

Look for a jock..

Look for a branded clone...always-surprised eyebrows...Gucci/Guess/etc

 

Listen out for a drawling voice and a HOWZIT boet...

 

Sniff out a snobby attitude..it reeks, it is not easy to miss

 

Feel the ICE cold, cool personality...

 

They are 'cookie cut' people..fitting into the perfect mould...

 

If I were to market this ideology to them (something the already have)  BUT tell them it is exclusive...I am sure they would buy into it. All over again, not realising they already are like this. The would buy into it, just like they try to buy everything else.

 

I am worried that the Sandton-condition is contagious....

 

 

 

 

What is that pounding sound?

 

Am I the only hearing it?

I like this dudes writing style..

YOUR STORY
Having a ball in the barbs
14/09/2007 13:29  - (SA)  

Brandon Faber, News24 User

I'm no gardening great, let's be honest about it.

In fact, I find the prospect of being infected by the dreaded "green-finger", watching Keith Kirsten on Sunday mornings and shopping for plants about as interesting a prospect as having lunch with George Bush, naked and chained to a table outside the "Green Zone" on a record-breaking, sweltering hot summer's day.

Don't get me wrong, though, I like a beautiful garden just as much as the next pensioner, but I don't want any hand in making it look nice. It must just exist, magically resistant to all threats, disease and stormy weather, like Manton Tshabalala-Msimang.

It must be resilient in the face of adversity and immune to the natural progression of time - like Riaan Cruywagen and Robert Mugabe - two fellows who will surely outlast us all.

Anyway. . .

Driving along the suburbs of Jo'burg on my daily slog, I've noticed with freakish frequency the existence of cement balls lining the sidewalks outside posh dwellings. Cement balls, of all sizes.

Big boulder-types, smaller Sanlam-sized ones, just lying there - in a straight stripe. Sometimes hidden by a few plants but mostly out in the open for all to see, as if the spheres were artistic sculptures in some way.

Now I've already likened my knowledge of all things flora to that of the Young Communist Party's comprehension of Economics 101 so, understandably, the existence of the mythical cement creations leaves me a little bit confused.

No purpose at all

Yes, flummoxed friends, "what does it all mean" is the question du Jour. Surely it cannot be decorative? Anyone who believes that ten cement balls in a row is a thing of beauty is clearly in desperate need of an intervention. Even for a gardening layman it is palpably obvious that there is no purpose, at all, to having these things aimlessly lining our streets.

Somewhere, sitting in some office, the same dude who came up with "The Ab roller", "Pool Cop", "Shogun knives" and "The Big Green Cleaning Machine" is laughing his backside off at the droves of Northern Suburb dwellers, lining up to buy his balls.

I suspect this man is fully aware that the "pointless cement ball craze" will only last for a while and, I'm certain, he's been hard at work conceptualising next summer's "must-have" gardening item. . . "The multi-coloured plastic triangle".

Personally, I'd just steal some Metro Police cones and spray them whatever colour I want, instead of actually going out to purchase the prisms but, hey, what do I know. I obviously don't get it, haven't got a clue, do not see the true value and/or spiritual meaning of the balls.

Maybe, like Stonehenge, they are supposed to symbolise something of intrigue, of deep earthly truths that shallow cretins such as myself will never, could never, should never have any grasp of.

I'm okay with that, I guess. 

got an espresso?

 

 

got red bull?

 

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ghkjhjhnkk

jhbjb;poi['pl,'/;'

kaskjkjkjjskjjskd

 

ooops, sorry, I fell asleep on my keyboard guys...

whoooooooooops

1/2 price cocktails @ Billy's on Wednesdays...

Good wishes to you guys

Hi everybody!

 

Here's wishing you well for xmas (which is 6 days away...which means my flight is 6 days away)

 

I hope you all have a merry JOLLY happy time!

 

From:

SANta

Ok...

This is sooo funny..

 

Two of the sweetest most innocent people I know...they are lovely ladies, real gentle and classy

 

But, my gosh, they sent me the dirtiest e-mails with a zillion swearwords. Swearing and CUSSING below the belt...and it just goes on and on and on....

 

It is hilarious for some reason..ok, don't judge me..if you were in my shoes you would also be PINK with laughter

How cool is this travelling restaurant?

http://www.madamezingara.com/home.php?page=3

I REALLY CANT WAIT ANYMORE

7 agonising days to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED

sexist !

 

 

Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures?

 

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

 Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another petrol station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress R5000. Tux rental-R200.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

 New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

 You know stuff about tanks..

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

 If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is R8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You almost never have bra-strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

 One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

 

mmm, ok

 

What do you say after sex!!!! (When u pass it on put your star sign in the subject box) Aries I' m hungry, pass the pizza. Taurus Okay, let's do it again. Gemini The first round was all good, ready for the next round? Cancer When are we getting married? Leo Wasn't I fantastic? Virgo I need to wash the sheets. Libra I liked it if you liked it. Scorpio Perhaps I should untie you. Sagittarius Don't call me, I'll call you. Capricorn Do you have a business card? Aquarius Now let's do it again and again and again and again... Pisces What did you say your name was?

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still nog getting any

...less bored

 

 

I am often misunderstood, but Confucius says:

"Do not worry if others do not understand you. Instead worry if you do not understand others." (Confucius, Chinese philosopher, 551-479 BC)

Not getting any

..less bored

NARROW minded people

peeve me!

 

Foolsball...

I really despise football on a normal day. And when my usual episode of America's Next Top Model gets replaced by it...Well, then I LOATHE football.

 

If you are to be a football player, I firmly believe you need a degree in drama.

 

They are the biggest woosies and drama queens.

 

There will always be overtime in a game, because some or other twit was delivering a star performance. This star performance is of course, the one he delivers after he was bumped, and he is trying to sell this as nearly dying. The foolsballers perform this elaborate swan's dance, in the hopes of their opponent getting a red or yellow card. I mean, they can't really score penalty points on skill..cos they seriously lack this.

 

It's not a sport, it is a joke.

 

Now the supermodels on ANTM are tough in comparison. Do you think it is easy waxing ANY part of your body, let alone your sensitive bits?

 

They can handle pain.

 

Another point is, that these models often wear shoes (nay, stilletos) that are 2 sizes too small. This takes endurance and SKILL. Nah, supermodels INVENTED pain, and footballers try to fake it or copy it.

 

Then of course, there is the fact that 90 minutes of play-time will usually deliver only ONE goal. The advantage of this, on the other hand, is that the game discussion does not last long. I mean, how much can you say about ONE goal.

 

And pzzzzzt..pfffffffft...that is it!