my testimony

They say everybody has a different exeperience with finding the right path. Of finding God.

Well, here is my story, if you have not found Him, I hope this story gives you hope. I hope my story inspires you to develop that need to go and find Him.

This is a terrible thing to say, but I have been denying God's existence, altough not completely, because I still feared the afterlife. So I thought by not totally denying Him, I would still go to some kind of heaven.

But my heart was not in it. I could still find my reasons not to believe.

The way I could convince myself that I believe in God, is what somebody once said:
"...the watch you are wearing, do you know who made it? No? But you still believe somebody made it, right? Even if you have not personally met the creator of the watch?" So this was my way of convincing myself that I was on the right path, because I completely believed in this story.

I was not living the life though, but God did not stop speaking to me...He never does.

I must admit that these Christian folk irritated me sometimes. The light that shined out of them made me uncomfortable, annoyed and scared. How could they be so naive, life is not a thrill ride! I know my life has been like. Where was God when things did not go right in my life? Surely he would have sent His angels if He had really existed...if anybody needed angels, it was me.

I suppose my big change came about when I proof read this book that my boss had started writing. She encouraged me to think about God and Christianity...

Since then my life really had started to change, I started noticing God's presence all around me. And instead of saying things like: gee, what a coincidence. I started thinking: what if it is not just some coincidence? What if this is the way that God is leading me?

God has really touched my heart and shown his presence in so many ways.

Especially this last month.

And you know what, it is written in the Bible that God will hide Himself from those who do not seek Him. And I have not seeked Him, and that is exactly why I have not found Him. He must have seen my hurt in the past and wept much worse than I did, but He did not 'interfere', because I did not actually want Him involved.

I always thought that you repent and then your life changes. It's like, wham, bam, from here on your life will be great! The light will fill you and you will be a changed person! But it is not like that, it all comes with time.

It is like any relationship. It grows stronger as time passes. You get to know and love somebody as time passes, You can't instantly say you love a stranger, just because he is really nice and you have heard good things about them. The bond grows with time.