PEOPLE ARE TAKING LIBERTIES

And I am getting SUPER peeved~!

guess who got a spa day?

me? for working hard and bringing in lots of MONEY!

pfffffffffffffffffft

Please let me pass all my exams...

moved house this weekend

This is the 10th time,in 5 years..

 

SO OVER IT

This is TOO good not to share - very thought provoking

 

 

 

 

FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr. /Miss. Right! If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love". I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love. Though this may sound "not politically correct", there's a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again:  "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone". You need a lot more!!! Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner. QUESTION 1: Do we share a common life purpose? Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time?   Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.   Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or (2) You can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line; and marry someone who wants the same thing. QUESTION 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person? This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished"; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry. QUESTION 3: Is he/she a mensch? A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right ".So ask your significant other what do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth, and (2) People who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle. QUESTION 4:  How does he/she treat other people? The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc. How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly will eventually treat you poorly as well. QUESTION 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married? Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse". If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; so be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework. Another perspective.... There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance.... It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention....Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you? The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life. An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye". Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, pity, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults isn’t really that important. Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control?  What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make   someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life"; you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the   wrong reasons to be in a relationship. WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE: 1. TRUST 2. COMMUNICATION 3. INTIMACY 4. A SENSE OF HUMOR 5. SHARING TASKS 6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN 7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes) 8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS 9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE 10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace it. Happiness keeps You Sweet, Trials keep You Strong, Sorrows keep You Human, Failures keep You Humble, Success keeps You Glowing, but..........Only faith keeps You Going! "In search for me, I discovered truth.  In search for truth, I discovered love and in search for love, I discovered faith.   In faith, I have found everything."  "Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goals."...Authors Unknown

 

odd fact

My mom has some cool antique's...the coppoer pot and ladel was used by her great grandmother to make jam
ivory statues
how many people do you know who owns a piano?
this grandfather clock tells a story..if you look carefully, at the bit above the face of the clock, you can make out a sun. It tells the story of the Dutch settlers...and the pictures move throughout the year

The house I grew up in, a the coast, was number 23 ...

When my mom moved up to Johannesburg, and this was the only other house she has ever bought besides the one on the coast, she looked at two possibilities. And both houses happened to be the number 23!

What a coincidence!

Cute / sweet

I have finally figured out why I don't like being called 'cute and sweet'

Because...if somebody perceives you as being cute or sweet, they are more likely to screw you over...

In contrast, somebody who is  'hard core' would not be screwed over as easily...

 

 

to the patriot ...the prophet... the saint

To the person who lives their lives by the X-files motto:

You will reap what you sow! 

A dishonest person, does not deserve his actions to be protected

 

interesting thought:

"A good husband goes to bed thinking: Was I the best man I could possibly be for my wife today?"

"A good wife goes to bed thinking: Was I the best wife I could possibly be for my husband today?"

 

So, do you call yourself HONEST?

Honesty is the human quality of communicating and acting truthfully related to truth as a value. This includes listening, and any action in the human repertoire — as well as speaking.

Superficially, honesty means simply stating facts and views as best one truly believes them to be. It includes both honesty to others, and to oneself (see: self-deception) and about one's own motives and inner reality. Honesty, at times, has the ability to cause misfortune to the person who displays it.

Western views on honesty

The concept of honesty applies to all behaviors. One cannot refuse to consider factual information, for example, and still claim that one's knowledge, belief, or position is an attempt to be truthful or is held in "good faith." Such willful blindness is clearly a product of one's desires and simply has nothing to do with the human ability to know. Basing one's positions on what one wants — rather than unbiased evidence gathering — is dishonest even when good intentions can be cited — after all even villains could cite good intentions and intended glory for a select group of people. Clearly then, an unbiased approach to the truth is a requirement of honesty.

Because intentions are closely related to fairness, and certainly affect the degree of honesty/dishonesty, there is a widespread confusion about honesty. There is also a general belief that one is necessarily aware that dishonest behavior is dishonest. But it's at the moment when one willfully disregards information in order to benefit (such as to justify their actions or beliefs) that one shows whether they are interested in the truth or whether they have a lack of respect for the truth, which is dishonesty, regardless of whether they mislabel it stubbornness or conviction. Socrates had much to say about truth, honesty and morality, and explained that if people really understood that their behavior was wrong — then they simply would not choose it. Furthermore, the more dishonest someone is, the less likely they are to understand honesty and to characterize their behavior as wrong. Unfortunately,the meaning of honesty has been marginalized to specific lists of behaviors that more often than not --change over time like fashion. The understanding that honesty requires an unbiased approach to the truth and to evidence gathering at all times (a timeless approach) collides with ideologies of all types. This would explain why honesty, although often discussed -- has failed to become a cultural norm. Ideologies and idealism inherently exaggerate and suppress evidence in order to support their perspectives. They essentially state that their way is the only right way to view the world. This erodes the practice and understanding of honesty and creates ongoing conflicts in all human relationships.

Buddhist teachings on honesty

Thanissaro Bhikkhu taught:

“Real honesty is being honest about what your possibilities are, what your potentials are. That's where true honesty lies. It stretches us. It’s not simply admitting where we are - that’s a beginning step, it’s not the end step. So be honest about where you are but also be honest about what your possibilities are. That keeps the challenge of the path always before us.” (From Thanissaro's “True Honesty.”)

 

2de taal

 

Muis familie sit en gesels. Kat kom ingestorm. Pa muis skrik sy gat af en begin blaf. Kat hol weg. Pa muis sê: "Ek hoop julle sien hoe f@@n belangrik 'n tweede taal is!"

Yes, I am a %^^%(*

F U!

siener van Rensburg

 

LIST OF PREDICTIONS

Prophecies from 1899 until his death in 1926:
* The outcome of the Boer War.
* The Great ‘Flu epidemic of 1918.
* England’s loss of all her colonies.
* Independence for Ireland.
* The atomic disaster at Chernobyl on April 26 1986.
* Lady Di’s death The divorce and tragic death of “a beautiful English Lady in a car accident who would be mourned by the whole world.”
* England will be struck by seven terrible plagues when World War 3 is at hand.
* Civil war in Bosnia.
* Dr HF Verwoerd, former Prime Minister, will die at the hand of a close friend.
* The release of Nelson Mandela by ex-President FW de Klerk.
* The Necklace Murders by blacks against blacks
* South Africa will be governed by a black government.
* Japan will be destroyed by earthquakes.
* Ethnical violence in Russia and Europe
* Racial violence will explode worldwide at the turn of the century and start World War III, in which Germany and America will fight side by side.
* Laser weapons?: It is a chilling experience to read about his predictions in 1920 of this coming Third and Final War at the beginning of the 21st century when the armies of the world will use what he called “terrible electrical rays that sow death and destruction from above and below, and soak the earth in blood”.

The old prophet described the events on the battlefields of the world in such detail as though he himself had been an eye-witness.

 

My mickey mouse hoody - ruined for life

A while back, I commented on how nice some people on the plane are. The old man on my previous flight back to SA, even gave me his pudding and Tim Tams. Whoa! What a nice guy...

BUT...

Now,

It all became a little clearer to me.

Let's fast forward to when I met Clinton's brother...I was wearing my Mickey Mouse hoody (as I did, when I was on the plane) And apparently, he thought that I was 15 years old...FANTASTIC...which I solely attribute to the hoody I was wearing! No more toon hoodies for me!

This made me rethink the old man on the plane. He probably felt sorry for me...shame, the poor young girl. Her first plane trip on her own. WITHOUT her parents..shame, let me give her some pudding to make her feel better...open wide! Say aah...chook chook chook...here it comes, the chocolate pudding train! Weeeeeeeeeee...there's a good girl...

jammal beans

according to the comedian Michael Naicker..."Never accept a peanut-looking food type from an Indian bloke..."

These beans, specificall, Jammal beans, have a laxative effect, and are VERY potent. One sliver of the bean is enough to make you spend the whole day in the loo...And of course, this prickled the curiousity of both the boyfriend and I...

So, at the flea market, we come accross an Indian stall. And, now we just have to ask the question: Do you have Jammal beans?
And apparently they are actually illegal! The wife piped up: "Who do you want to KILL?"

Jeepers...mmmm, so all in all, it has been an informative weekend!

San needs a filter

I have noticed that I asbsolutely have no filter, in other words, I have no tact.

 

Take Saturday, as a an example. We were at the sweetshop, owned by an indian bloke, and a lady was purchasing what looked like a grey shrivelled dusty packet with two odd-shaped lumps...

 

I was curious, as ever, and asked her what they are. She replies:

 

"They are dried lemons.."

 

And here's me: "OH, JIG! JUST IMAGINE EATING THOSE! I WOULD HAVE BOUGHT THEM AND SUCKED ON THEM LIKE SWEETS"

 

And apparently that is exactly what they are..sweets....

 

But let me tell you, those 'dried lemons' look more like MUMMIFIED lemons, they certainly don't look edible!

 

And then, that very same day ( just to prove to you, that I don't learn from my mistakes) I insult the boyfriend's grandchild.

 

JUST IMAGINE!

 

We are busy viewing pictures of the "oupa and ouma" day they went to earlier...and I was appointed as the official picture clicker. All of a sudden pops up this little girl with pigtails, and LOTS of ribbons in her hair. But, I mean a lot, and they are extremely noticable

 

And here's me:

 

"GEE WHIZZ! LOOK AT ALL THOSE RIBBONS! THAT IS A LOT! GEE WHIZZ!"

 

And I even circled the area with my mouse pointer...

 

And then the grandparents pipe up : "That's our grand daughter...she has very curly hair"

 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH - kill me now!

wanna hookup with some ancient peeps?

The DNA ancestry project...

 

Discover your past, present, and future...

http://www.genebase.com/login.php?redirTo=aW5kZXgucGhw

It looks a lot like facebook, pretty fun

 

 

 

false alarm

While minding my own business, as one usually does, when underwear shopping...the shop assistant catches me groping around at floor level, trying to locate the correct size.

"What size?" She asks

"Um, I have already been trying on some...now I'm looking for sixe XYZ.." I reply, a bit shocked and forced into an automated answer...

"No problem, my darling, we find it" she says, whipping into ACTION MODE, like a trained shop NINJA...she wraps the tape measure around all the bits which make up my bust area. Then she whips me into the change room, shoving two sets into my hand: "You call me when you done, ok?"

"Um, ok" Once again, the shock forces out an automated answer.

A while later, she zips around the corner, "You done darling?"

"Um, ja" I reply..and before I can say anything else, she sails into the change room: "No, no ...the straps, they are wrong" She adjusts them with lightening speed..providing me with the perfect fit, slapping me on the back, and going about her merry way...

When I exit the fitting roooms, I hear her informing the colleagues: "No, don't worry, it was only a strap problem. Hee hee, yes the straps..hee hee"

But the way she said it, it was as if she had been called to battle, only to find that the enemy is not in attack mode...and that it was all a false alarm...

 

what?

I had a pie on the way to gym the other day...

and while driving, some taxi (who I -quite proudly- cut in front of) showed me a warning finger, then sped off...

And here's me, with a mouthful of pie, shrugging my shoulders at him:

"What? Can't a girl cut in front of a taxi, listen to loud music, and stare at you blankly, with a mouthful of cheese pie?"

I arrive at gym, greeted by the customary: "Sho! You're keys are heavy" When the reception swipes my card...

"What? You never lock your keys in your car, and now have to make the key bundle really heavy, so you don't lock them in all the time?"

I get onto the treadmill, I unzip the hoodie, and out come all the pie flakes...the guy next to me, staring..

"What? Have you never eaten a pie for lunch, before coming to gym, and then have the evidence spill onto the gym equipment?"

interesting concepts in Psychology

I am busy studying psychopathologies. Examples of these would be Schizophrenia, bipolar, OCD..

And apparently, reading up on this stuff can make you loony- cos people start associating their own behaviour with that of the pathologies...

So, one fine day, you have a long and intruiging conversation with the lovely Russian friend of yours...and then you realise..the friendly Russian, is actually one of your split personalities...and that the person only exists to you. Freaky stuff!

 

I also read the following:

 

Aggresive instincts can be transformed in a socially acceptable way  by choosing a career of a SURGEON or a proffessional boxer. They go on to say, that these people usually had urges to KILL their siblings...and then chose these professions in later life...This gives a new spin on the OJ Simpson case?

 

And then of course, there are interesting references made to the archetypes:  Animus and Anima, these characteristics emerge when people of the opposite sex, interact with one another. For example, Animus, would be the male characteristics, which come to the surface when females interact with men...and of course the opposite occurs for men, regarding Anima...which explains why I am a little more 'macho' when I speak to dudes, and more sensitive when I speak to women

I hate these random calls I keep getting!!!

who the heck phones people at 05:55 on a Sunday morning?

Technology age

 

1. Thirty Signs That Computer Technology Has Taken Over Your Life:

   - Your wife asks you to pick up some minipads for her at the store and you return with a rest for your mouse.

   - Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty’s address book. The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two on-line services, and your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth of the letterhead and continues to the back. In essence, you have conceded that the first page of any letter you write *is* letterhead.

   - You have never sat through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz.

   - You think of the gadgets in your office as “friends,” but you forget to send your father a birthday card.

   - You need to fill out a form that must be typewritten, but you can’t because there isn’t one typewriter in your house — only computers with laser printers.

   -You disdain people who use low baud rates.

   - When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking with customers — and you butt in to correct him and spend the next 20 minutes answering the customers’ questions, while the salesperson stands by silently, nodding his head.

   - The thought that CD could refer to investment finance or music rarely enters your mind.

   - You use the phrase “digital compression” in a conversation without thinking how strange your mouth feels when you say it.

   - You constantly find yourself in groups of people to whom you say the phrase “digital compression.” Everyone understands what you mean, and you are not surprised or disappointed that you don’t have to explain it.

   - You stop saying “phone number” and replace it with “voice number,” since we all know the majority of phone lines in any house are plugged into contraptions that talk to other contraptions.

   - You sign Christmas cards by putting next to your signature.

   - You back up your data files every day.

   - You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your car tires.

   - You think jokes about being unable to program a VCR are stupid.

   - On vacation, you are reading an Unix manual and turning the pages faster than everyone else who is reading John Grisham novels.

   - You are able to argue persuasively that Ross Perot’s phrase “electronic town hall” makes more sense than the term “information superhighway,” but you don’t because, after all, the man still uses hand-drawn pie charts.

   - You go to computer trade shows and map out your path of the exhibit hall in advance. However, you cannot give someone directions to your house without looking up the street names.

   - Al Gore strikes you as an “intriguing” fellow.

   - You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon.

   - You become upset when a person calls you on the phone to sell you something, but you think it’s okay for a computer to call and demand that you start pushing buttons on your telephone to receive more information about the product it is selling.

   - You know without a doubt that disks come in five-and-a-quarter and three-and-a-half inch sizes.

   - You have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal.

   - While contemporaries swap stories about their recent hernia surgeries, you compare mouse-induced index-finger strain with a nine-year-old.

   - You are so knowledgeable about technology that you feel secure enough to say “I don’t know” when someone asks you a technology question instead of feeling compelled to make something up.

   - You own a set of itty-bitty screwdrivers and you actually know where they are.

   - You understand all the jokes in this message. If so, my friend, technology has taken over your life. We suggest, for your own good, that you go lie under a tree and write a haiku. And don’t use a laptop.

   - You have ended friendships because of irreconcilably different opinions about which is better: the track ball or the track pad.

   - You email this message to your friends over the net. You’d never get around to showing it to them in person or reading it to them on the phone. In fact, you have probably never met most of these people face to face.

   12. Off the top of your head, you can think of nineteen keystroke symbols that are far more clever than

quite sweet

"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."
Donna Roberts

 

 

 

hey- it's not cos I'm squishy

ok, so we all know how much I HATE fwd-ing e-mails,

 

I especially despise those one's with dogs/ animals with guns

 

"if anybody ruins your day..let ME know"

 

And those one's where baby's have cigarettes in their mouths...complaining about how &*&(* life is...

 

Honestly...if you EVER send one of these to me...I will NOT appreciate it

All I here is BLA BLA BLA

 

 

people who don't keep time GRATE ME EVEN MORE

...if you plan on being late - and know it - Stomp your feet

 

If you plan on being late, and you know it, and you really want to show it - STOMP YOUR FEET

 

 

 

laziness grates me

 

if you're lazy and you know it - clap your hands...

 

if you're lazy and you know it, and you really want to show it...

CLAP YOUR HANDS

 

my personality - as predicted by fruit

PEACH - Like a peach, you enjoy the juice of life and all its lush
ripeness! You are the friendly sort, and are quite frank and outspoken,
which adds to your charm. You are quick to forgive and forget; and value
your friendships highly. You have an independent and ambitious streak in
you that make you a real go-getter. You are the ideal lover, fiery and
passionate but sincere and faithful in love. You don't, however, like to
display all that passion in public.

 

 

sweet about me

Ohh watching me, hanging by a string this time.
Don't easily, the climax of the perfect life.
Ohh watching me, hanging by a string this time.
Don't easily, smile worth a hundred lies.

If there's lessons to be learned, I'd rather get my jamming words in first so, tell you something that I've found, that the worlds a better place when it's upside down boy.

If there's lessons to be learned, I'd rather get my jamming words in first so, when your playing with desire, don't come running to my place when it burns like fire boy. Chorus:

Sweet about me, nothing sweet about me, Yehh
Sweet about me, nothing sweet about me, Yehh
Sweet about me, nothing sweet about me, Yehh
Sweet about me, nothing sweet about me, Yehh

Verse 2:
Blue, blue, blue, waves they crash as time goes by, so hard to catch. Too, too smooth, ain't all that, why don't you ride my side of the tracks.

If there's lessons to be learned, I'd rather get my jamming words in first so, tell you something that I've found, that the worlds a better place when it's upside down boy.

If there's lessons to be learned, I'd rather get my jamming words in first so, when your playing with desire, don't come running to my place when it burns like fire boy.

Chorus:
Sweet about me, nothing sweet about me, Yehh
Sweet about me, nothing sweet about me, Yehh
Sweet about me, nothing sweet about me, Yehh
Sweet about me, nothing sweet about me, Yehh
(fading out)
Sweet about me, nothing sweet about me, Yehh
Sweet about me, nothing sweet about me, Yehh
Sweet about me, nothing sweet about me, Yehh

ROAR

 

 

 

Slogans

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:

'Dr. Jones, at your cervix.'

**************************

In a Podiatrist's office:

Time Wounds All Heels.

**************************

On a Septic Tank Truck:

Yesterday's Meals--on Wheels

**************************

At a Proctologist's door:

To expedite your visit, please back in.

**************************

On a Plumber's truck:

We Repair What Your Husband Fixed

**************************

On another Plumber's truck:

Don't sleep with a drip; Call your plumber!

**************************

On a Church's Billboard:

7 days without God makes one weak.

**************************

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:

Invite us to your next blowout.

**************************

At a Towing company:

We don't charge an arm and a leg: We want tows.

**************************

On an Electrician's truck:

Let Us Remove Your Shorts

**************************

In a Nonsmoking Area:

If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate
action.

**************************

On a Maternity Room door:

Push. Push. Push!

**************************

At an Optometrist's Office:

If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right
place.

**************************

On a Taxidermist's window:

We really know our stuff.

**************************

On a Fence:

Salesmen Welcome! Dog Food Is Expensive!

**************************

At a Car Dealership:

The best way to get back on your feet: miss a car payment.

**************************

Outside a Muffler Shop:

No appointment necessary; We hear you coming.

**************************

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:

Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!

**************************

At the Electric Company

We will be de-lighted if you send in your payment.

However, if you don't, you will be.

**************************

In a Restaurant window:

Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in

and get fed up.

**************************

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

Drive carefully! We'll wait...

**************************

At a Propane Filling Station:

Thank heaven for little grills.

**************************

And don't forget the sign at a

CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP:

Best place in town to take a leak

**********************

Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:

CAUTION - This Truck is Full of Political Promises

 

 

.............

feeling very drained....

 

I am as sweet as fudge

:-)

 

In my opinion, that is a better comparison than 'sweet as pie'

 

Out of Office ideas

 

Something to smile about.

 

BEST OUT OF OFFICE AUTOMATIC E-MAIL REPLIES

1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

4. I will be unable to delete all the e-mails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your e-mail. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again.
(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see who did this over and over and over....)

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system.
You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

9. I've run away to join a different circus.

10. I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as Lucille instead of Steve.

boredom

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( ..)

o o

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That's a hippo in the grass...

ugh

I go through stages, where I feel a little lost..

 

This would be one of them...

 

 

Office Dares

 
Have I blogged this? 

One-Point Dares

1. Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
2. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
3. Leave your fly open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".
4. Walk sideways to the photocopier.
5. While going in an elevator, gasp dramatically each time the doors open.
6. When in elevator with one other person, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn't you.
7. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy..."
8. Don't use any punctuation.
9. Interrupt your conversation with someone by giving a huge dejected sigh.
10. Use your highlighter pen on the computer screen.

Three-Point Dares

1. Say to your boss, "I like your style", wink, and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.
2. Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.
3. Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
4. Every time you get an email, shout ''email''.
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has got over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. Keep hole punching your finger. Each time you do, shout, "dagnamit, it's happened again!". Then do it again.
7. Introduce yourself to a new colleague as "the office bicycle". Then wink and pout.
8. Call I.T. helpdesk and tell them that you can't seem to access any pornography web sites.

Five-Point Dares

1. At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
2. Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Dave".
4. Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two".
5. When you've picked up a call, before speaking finish off some fake conversation with the words, ''she can abort it for all I care''.
6. After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in: "The report's on your desk, Mon." Keep this up for one hour.
7. In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"
8. At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my witness,I'll never go hungry again!"
9. Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
10. Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit; smash each biscuit with your fist.
11. During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
12. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
13. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
14. Sign or p.p. all letters with your initials and a swastika.

15. Dry hump the photocopier. When someone spots you, stop and cough embarrassingly, then lean in to the machine and whisper loudly, "I'll see you tonight".

 

San's theory on photo's

 

I actually like photo's- just not the act of having them taken

 

 

I know how to use the terms 'WAN' and 'LAN' properly...

 

Yayee - do I get a gold star?

 

I am making the BEST meals this week

it has to do with luuurve!

 

 

hangover ratings - the best e-mail I have read in a while!

Hangover Ratings

 

 

1 star hangover

 

No pain. no real feeling of illness. You slept in your own bed and when you woke up there were no traffic cones in there with you.

 

You are still able to function relatively well on the energy stored up from all those vodka and Red Bulls.

 

However, you can drink 10 bottles of water and still feel as parched as the Sahara.

 

Even vegetarians are craving a Cheeseburger and a bag of fries.

 

2 star hangover

 

No pain, but something is definitely amiss.  You may look okay but you have the attention span and mental capacity of a stapler.

 

The coffee you hug to try and remain focused is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is craving a full English breakfast.

 

Although you have a nice demeanour about the office, you are costing your employer valuable money because all you really can handle is some light filing, followed by aimlessly surfing the net and writing junk e-mails

 

3 star hangover

 

Slight headache. Stomach feels crap.  You are definitely a space cadet and not so productive.

 

Anytime a girl or lad walks by you gag because the perfume/aftershave reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer kicked you out at 1:45 am.

 

Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a kebab and a litre of coke watching daytime TV.

 

You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 6 chicken nuggets and a litre of diet coke yet you haven't peed once.

 

 

 

 

 

4 star hangover

 

You have lost the will to live.  Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly or else you might spew.

 

Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze.

 

You wore nice clothes, but you smell of socks, and you can't hide the fact that you (depending on your gender) either missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving,  or,   it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the dodgems.

 

Your teeth have their own individual sweaters.  Your eyes look like one big vein and your hairstyle makes you look like a reject from a second-grade class circa 1976.

 

You would give a weeks pay for one of the following - home time, a cheeseburger and somewhere to be alone, or a Time Machine so you could go back and NOT have gone out the night before.

 

You scare small children in the street just by walking past them.

 

5 star hangover

 

You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits next to you.

 

Vodka vapour is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy.

 

You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth.

 

Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you.

 

You'd cry but that would take the last drop of moisture left in your body.

 

Death seems pretty good right now.  Your boss doesn't even get mad at you and your co-workers think that your dog just died because you look so pathetic.  You should have called in sick because, let's face it, all you can manage to do is breathe ..... very gently.

 

 

6 star hangover

 

You arrive home and climb into bed.

 

Sleep comes instantly, as you were fighting it all the way home in the taxi.

 

You get about 2 hours sleep until the noises inside your head wake you up.

 

You notice that your bed has been cleared for take off and is flying relentlessly around the room.

 

No matter what you do you now, you're going to chuck.

 

You stumble out of bed and now find that your room is in a yacht under full sail.

 

After walking along the skirting boards on alternating walls knocking off all the pictures, you find the toilet.

 

If you are lucky you will remember to lift the lid before you spontaneously explode and wake the whole house up with your impersonation of walrus mating calls.

 

You sit there on the floor in your undies, cuddling the only friend in the world you have left (the toilet), randomly continuing to make the walrus noises, spitting, and farting.  Help usually comes at this stage, even if it is short lived.

 

Tears stream down your face and your abdomen hurts.  Help now turns into abuse and he/she usually goes back to bed leaving you there in the dark.

 

With your stomach totally empty, your spontaneous eruptions have died back to 15-minute intervals, but your body won't relent.

 

You are convinced that you are starting to turn yourself inside out and swear that you saw your tonsils shoot out of your mouth on the last occasion.

 

It is now dawn and you pass your disgusted partner getting up for the day as you try to climb into bed.  She/he abuses you again for trying to get into bed with lumpy bits of dried vomit in your hair.

 

You reluctantly accept their advice and have a shower in exchange for them driving you to the hospital.

 

Work is simply not an option.

 

The whole day is spent trying to avoid anything that might make you sick again, like moving.

 

You vow never to touch a drop again and who knows for the next two or three hours at least you might even succeed.

 

OK, now hands up all those who have never had a six star hangover!!

 

Thought so!!