hee hee

• Don't let your mind wander - it is too small to be left out on its own
• Never go to bed angry - stay up and plot your revenge
• Don't believe everything you think

 

 

busy busy

Sooo, I have a busy weekend planned..

 

Tomorrow is a wedding, and tomorrow evening night a year-end function...

 

I are a busy girrl

 

fat kid wants a pie

 

body language

·       Attentive body language: Showing real interest.

Ignoring distractions

There are many competing stimuli that demand our attention. If a person ignores distraction, from phone calls to other people interrupting, then they send strong  'I am interested’ signals

Stillness

When the listener is largely still, the implication is of forgetting everything else except the other person, with not even internal dialogue being allowed to distract.

Leaning forward

The person will lean slightly towards you, perhaps to better hear everything you have to say

Tilted head

An attentive head may be tilted slightly forward. It also may show curiosity when tilted to the side (although this may also indicate uncertainty).

Gaze

An attentive person looks at the other person without taking their gaze away. They will likely blink less, almost for fear of missing something.

Furrowed brow

Concentration may also be shown in the forehead as the eyebrows are brought together as the listener seeks to hear and understand the other person.

Wanting more

An attentive person seeks not just to hear but to be ready to listen to everything the other person has to say.

Patience

When you want to hear more from the other person you are patient, listening until they have finished speaking and not butting in with your views.

Open body

Open body language shows that you are not feeling defensive and are mentally open to what they have to say

Slow nodding

Nodding shows agreement and also encourages the other person to keep talking. Fast nodding may show impatience, whilst a slower nod indicates understanding and approval.

Interest noises

Little noises such as 'uh huh' and 'mmm' show that you are interested, understand and want to hear more.

Reflecting

When you reflect the other person back to them they feel affirmed and that you are aligned with them. Reflecting activities range from matching body language to paraphrasing what they say.

·       Bored body language: Just not being interested.

Distraction

A bored person looks anywhere but at the person who is talking to them. They find other things to do, from doodling to staring around the room, to looking at their watch or a wall clock.

Repetition

Bored people often repeat actions such as tapping toes, swinging feet or drumming fingers. The repetition may escalate as they try to signal their boredom.

Tiredness

A person who feels that they are unable to act to relieve their boredom may show signs of tiredness. They may yawn and their whole body may sag as they slouch down in their seat, lean against a wall or just sag where they are standing.

·       Closed body language: 

Language of closure

Closure literally closes the body up.

Arms across

In a closed positions one or both arms cross the central line of the body. They may be folded or tightly clasped or holding one another. There may also be holding one another.

Lighter arm crossing may include resting an arm on a table or leg, or loosely crossed with wrists crossing.

Varying levels of tension may be seen in the arms and shoulders, from a relaxed droop to tight tension and holding on to the body or other arms.

Legs across

Legs, likewise can be crossed. There are several styles of leg crossing, including the ankle cross, the knee cross, the figure-four (ankle on opposite knee) and the tense wrap-around.

Legs may also wrap around convenient other objects, such as chair legs.

When legs are crossed but arms are not, it can show deliberate attempts to appear relaxed. This is particularly true when legs are hidden under a table.

Looking down or away

The head may be inclined away from the person, and particularly may be tucked down.

·       Deceptive body language: Seeking to cover up lying or other deception.

Anxiety

A deceptive person is typically anxious that they might be found out, so they may send signals of tension. This may include sweating, sudden movements, minor twitches of muscles (especially around the mouth and eyes), changes in voice tone and speed.

Control

Signs of attempted friendly body language, such as forced smiles (mouth smiles but eyes do not), jerky movements and clumsiness or oscillation between open body language and defensive body language.

The person may also try to hold their body still, to avoid tell-tale signals. For example they may hold their arms in or put their hands in their pockets.

Distracted

A person who is trying to deceive needs to think more about what they are doing, so they may drift off or pause as they think about what to say or hesitate during speech.

They may also be distracted by the need to cover up. Thus their natural timing may go astray and they may over- or under-react to events.

Anxiety may be displaced into actions such as fidgeting, moving around the place or paying attention to unusual places.

·       Dominant body language: Dominating others.

Size signals

The body in dominant stances is generally open, and may also include additional aspects.

Making the body big

Hands on hips makes the elbows go wide and make the body seem larger. So also does standing upright and erect, with the chin up and the chest thrust out. Legs may be placed apart to increase size.

Making the body high

This can be achieved by standing up straight or somehow getting the other person lower than you, for example by putting them on a lower seat or by your standing on a step or plinth.

Occupying territory

By invading and occupying territory that others may own or use, control and dominance is indicated. A dominant person may thus stand with feet akimbo and hands on hips.

Superiority signals

Ownership

Owning something that others covet provides a status symbol. This can be territorial, such as a larger office, or displays of wealth or power, such as a Rolex watch or having many subordinates.

Just owning things is an initial symbol, but in body language it is the flaunting of these, often casually, that is the power display. Thus a senior manager will casually take out their Mont Blanc pen whilst telling their secretary to fetch the Havana cigars.

Invasion

A dominant act is to disrespect the ownership of others, invading their territory, for example getting too close to them by moving into their body space. Other actions include sitting on their chairs, leaning on their cars, putting feet up on their furniture .

Invasion says 'What's yours is mine' and 'I can take anything of yours that I want and you cannot stop me'.

Belittling others

Superiority signals are found both in saying 'I am important' and also 'You are not important'. Thus a dominant person may ignore or interrupt another person who is speaking or turn away from them. They may also criticize the inferior person, including when the other person can hear them.

Facial signals

Much dominance can be shown in the face, from disapproving frowns and pursed lips to sneers and snarls (sometimes disguised as smiles).

The eyes can be used to stare and hold the gaze for long period. They may also squint, preventing the other person seeing where you are looking. They may also look at anywhere but the other person, effectively saying that 'you are not even worth looking at'.

Faces can also look bored, amused or express other expressions that belittle the other person.

Dominant people often smile much less than submissive people.

The dominant greeting

When people first meet and greet, their first interaction sets the pattern for the future relationship. When a person is dominant here, then they will most likely continue to be dominant.

The handshake

A classic dominant handshake is with the palm down, symbolically being on top. Another form of dominant handshake is to use strength to squeeze the other person.

Holding the other person's hand for longer than normal also shows that you are in control.

Eyes

Prolonged, unblinking eye contact acts like overplaying the handshake -- it says 'I am powerful, I can break the rules.' The dominant person may alternatively prevent eye contact, saying 'You are beneath me and I do not want even to look at you.'

Speaking

The person who speaks first often gets to control the conversation, either by talking for longer or by managing the questions.

Responding to dominance

If others display dominant body language you have a range of options.

The simplest response is simply not to submit, which is what they probably want. Continue to appear friendly and ignore their subtle signals.

Another response is to fight dominance with dominance, for example:

·       Out-stare them (a trick here is to look at the bridge of their nose, not their eyes).

·       When they do a power handshake, grab their elbow and step to the side.

·       When they butt in to your speech, speed up, talk more loudly and say 'let me finish!'

Another approach is to name the game. Ask them why they are using dominant body language. A good way to do this is in a curious, unafraid way

·       Emotional body language: Identifying feelings.

Anger

·       Neck and/or face are red or flushed.

·       Baring of teeth and snarling.

·       Clenched fists.

·       Leaning forward and invasion of body space.

Fear, anxiety and nervousness

Fear occurs when basic needs are threatened. There are many levels of fear, from mild anxiety to blind terror. The many bodily changes caused by fear make it easy to detect.

·       A 'cold sweat'.

·       Pale face.

·       Dry mouth, which may be indicated by licking lips, drinking water, rubbing throat.

·       Not looking at the other person.

·       Damp eyes.

·       Trembling lip.

·       Varying speech tone.

·       Speech errors.

·       Voice tremors.

·       Visible high pulse (noticeable on the neck or movement of crossed leg.

·       Sweating.

·       Tension in muscles: clenched hands or arms, elbows drawn in to the side, jerky movements, legs wrapped around things.

·       Gasping and holding breath.

·       Fidgeting.

·       Defensive body language, including crossed arms and legs and generally drawing in of limbs.

·       Ready body language (for fight-or-flight)

·       Other symptoms of stress

Embarrassment

Embarrassment may be caused by guilt or transgression of values.

·       Neck and/ or face are red or flushed.

·       Looking down or away from others. Not looking them in the eye.

·       Grimacing, false smile, changing the topic or otherwise trying to cover up the embarrassment.

Surprise

Surprise occurs when things occur that were not expected.

·       Raised eyebrows.

·       Widening of eyes.

·       Open mouth.

·       Sudden backward movement.

Happiness

Happiness occurs when goals and needs are met.

·       General relaxation of muscles.

·       Smiling (including eyes).

·       Open body language

·       Evaluating body language: Judging and deciding about something.

Language of evaluation

Hand movements

The classic signal of evaluation is the steepled hands which are clasped together, either looking like they are praying, with both hands pressed together, or with linked fingers and with index fingers only pointing upwards. The fingers pointing upwards may touch the lips.

Another common evaluative movement is stroking, often of the chin but possibly other parts of the face.

Other actions

Other evaluative signals include pursing lips, stroking the side of the nose and (if worn) peering over the top of spectacles (‘to look more carefully at you').

Relaxed intensity

The body may well be relaxed and open. The person seems to be unafraid or even unaware of danger. However there is also a level of concentration, perhaps with pursed lips and an intense gaze. The chin may be resting in one or both palms.

·       Greeting body language: Meeting rituals.

Handshake

Variables

Handshake variables include:

·       Strength (weak - strong)

·       Temperature (cold - hot)

·       Moisture (damp - dry)

·       Fullness of grip (full - partial)

·       Duration (brief - long)

·       Speed (slow - fast)

·       Complexity (shake - dance)

·       Texture (rough - smooth)

·       Eye contact (prolonged - intermittent - none)

Styles

A firm grip shows confidence, whilst a limp grip may indicate timidity, particularly in men (women may be expected to be more gentile).

Palm down indicates dominance and a feeling of superiority ('I am on top'). Palm sideways indicate equality. Palm up indicates submission.

A long handshake can indicate pleasure and can signal dominance, particularly if one person tries to pull away and the dominant person does not let them.

Dominance may also be shown by using the other hand to grip the person, such as at the wrist, elbow, arm or shoulder. This may also be done by gripping the shaken hand with both of your hands. This may also indicate affection or pleasure (which allows for an ambiguous signal).

A variant of the dominant handshake which is used by politicians who are being photographed and hence shake hands side-by-side is to stand on the left hand side of the other person. This means your hand will be on the outside and it will look like you are the dominant party to those viewing the photograph.

Responses to the dominant handshake can include counter-touching (use your other hand to hold their hand, wrist, elbow, arm or shoulder), hugging (pull them in), thrusting (push them away by pushing your hand towards them) and stepping the side.

Hand-touching is also used, for example the 'high five', where open palms are touched high in the air, or where closed fists are tapped. Where the other person is not gripped, the origins may be in potentially aggressive situations where holding of another could be construed as a threatening act.

Salute

·       Open body language: Many reasons for being open.

Language of openness

The open stance has arms and legs not crossed in any way. They may also be moving in various ways.

Arms open

Arms are not crossed and may be animated and moving in synchronization with what is being said or held wide.

Palms are also relaxed and may be quite expressive, for example appearing to hold things and form more detailed shapes. Open hands show that nothing is being concealed.

Legs open

Open legs are not crossed. Often they are parallel. They may even be stretched apart.

The feet are of interest in open legs and may point forward or to the side or at something or someone of interest.

Looking around and at the other person

The head may be directed solely towards the other person or may be looking around. Eye contact is likely to be relaxed and prolonged.

Relaxed clothing

Clothing is likely to hang loosely and actions to loosen clothing may take place, such as removing a jacket and unbuttoning a collar.

·       Power body language: Demonstrating one's power.

Greeting

Handshake

As the other person approaches, move to left side, extend your arm horizontally, palm down (be first to do this). Grab their palm firmly, pull them in and hold their elbow with your left hand.

The horizontal arm is an admissible signal. Palm on top is being dominant, putting yourself on top. Holding the elbow further controls them.

The royal handshake is outstretched arm to keep the other at their distance. A limp hand, palm down, stops them doing a power shake.

Touching

Touching is power symbol. Touching people can be threatening, and is used by leaders to demonstrate power. The handshake is, of course, a touch, and can lead to further touching, such as the elbow grip and patting shoulders and back.

Speaking

Talking

Talk with confidence and use the body beat in time with assertions. Beat with a finger, a palm or even a fist (which is rather aggressive). Emphasize and exaggerate your points.

Use silences too. Pause in the middle of speaking and look around at everyone. If you are not interrupted they are probably respecting your power. Stand confidently without speaking. Look around, gazing into people's eyes for slightly longer than usual.

Emoting

It is powerful to show that you have emotion, but in the right place only. At other times it emphasizes how you are in control. A neat trick is to bite the lower lip, as it shows both emotion and control (Bill Clinton did it 15 times in 2 minutes during the Monica Lewinsky 'confession').

Walking

When walking with others, be in front of them. When going through doors, if you are going to an audience, go first. If you are going from an audience, go last (guiding others through shows dominance).

·       Ready body language: Wanting to act and waiting for the trigger.

Language of readiness

A ready body is poised for action.

Pointing

Any part of the body may be pointing at where the person is thinking about. This may be another person or the door. This may be as subtle as a foot or as obvious as the whole body leaning.

Tension

The body is tensed up and ready for action. If sitting, hands may hold onto armrests in readiness to get up. Legs are tensed ready to lift the body. Things in the hand are gripped

Hooking

The hands may slightly hook clothing, in particular with thumbs hooked into the waistband. This is like a not-quite putting of hands in pockets, indicating the person is relaxed but ready to move quickly.

Movement

Where there is movement, it is in preparation for further movement. Legs uncross. Hands grab bags, straighten clothing, and so on. The whole body leans in the intended direction.

·       Submissive body language: Showing you are prepared to give in.

Body positions

The body in fearful stances is generally closed, and may also include additional aspects.

Making the body small

Hunching inwards reduces the size of the body, limiting the potential of being hit and protecting vital areas. In a natural setting, being small may also reduce the chance of being seen. Arms are held in. A crouching position may be taken, even slightly with knees slightly bent. This is approaching the curled-up regressive fetal position.

Motionlessness

By staying still, the chance of being seen is, in a natural setting, reduced (which is why many animals freeze when they are fearful). When exposed, it also reduces the chance of accidentally sending signals which may be interpreted as being aggressive. It also signals submission in that you are ready to be struck and will not fight back.

Head down

Turning the chin and head down protects the vulnerable neck from attack. It also avoids looking the other person in the face (staring is a sign of aggression).

Eyes

Widening the eyes makes you look more like a baby and hence signals your vulnerability.

Looking attentively at the other person shows that you are hanging on their every word.

Mouth

Submissive people smile more at dominant people, but they often smile with the mouth but not with the eyes.

Submissive gestures

There are many gestures that have the primary intent of showing submission and that there is no intent to harm the other person. Hands out and palms up shows that no weapons are held and is a common pleading gesture.

Other gestures and actions that indicate tension may indicate the state of fear. This includes hair tugging, face touching and jerky movement. There may also be signs such as whiteness of the face and sweating.

Small gestures

When the submissive person must move, then small gestures are often made. These may be slow to avoid alarming the other person, although tension may make them jerky.

weekend potato

So - in the week I wear make up, jewellery and heels...I dress up.

 

But, on weekends, I trade it all in....

 

The tailored pants get traded for something with an elastic band at the waist...heels swop with flats...collared fancy shirts get traded for rugby jerseys or comfortable T-shirts...

 

Joe has told me before that comfortable is not a style...hmmm

 

the stink with a personality

It's exam time, I am stressed enough about passing, and taking into consideration that I only STARTED studying two days before...I am freaking out!

 

And then, as Murphy would have it- I have to sit next to somebody who has not been practicing personal hygiene for years! The stink hits me! It is bad - it wafts in and out of my nasal cavity...the wafting has a two-fold effect:

 

1. I can't get used to the smell, cos it comes and goes and comes and goes! 

And 2. It is really making me ill

 

It has personality! It tunes - "Howzit! My name is stench-of-death-dead-rats-and-rotting..and I will be making you lose concentration in your exam today!"

 

And boy- did it succeed!

 

I tried to fend off the smell by keeping my fingers under my nose, then sharpening my pencil and keeping the pencil under my nose- to try get the fresh wood smell, but that death smell kept creeping into my nostrils, it overpowered all!

 

And hour and a half later, I started going green and blue. Green from wanting to hurl and blue from trying to hold my breath.

 

And then - the guy leaves...good riddance...and there's the smell...waving and smiling at me, patting itself on the back, for a job well done.

 

 

 

 

 

cookie obsession has returned

It is with regret that I must confess that my cookie obsession has returned---> with a vengeance

oh nooooooooooooooooooooooo

reCAP

Sooooo,

 

Hello little blog of mine...

We are close to the end of 2008,and as per usual, it's time to reCAP

 

(WHICH IS WHY I AM NOW WRITING IN CAPITAL LETTERS)

 

AND IT'S BEEN A YEAR OF TWO'S

1. RECEIVED X 2 PROMOTIONS
2. WENT TO A SPA X 2
3. GOT DIAMONDS X 2
4. MOVED HOUSE X 2
5. BEEN OVERSEAS X 2

ok..and these aren't in two's, but important all the same

1. STARTED A DEGREE
2. GOT A CAR
3. MET THE SWEETEST MAN IN THE WORLD :-)

It has been one of the most challenging, awful and lonely years of my life...BUT all is well that ends well! I am super happy, as we approaching the end of 2008. It was a year where I took calculated risks, and came out tops..with a few scratches and bruises, but hey--> nothing that can't be healed!

 

 

 

the first song Britney has written that I actually like!

Britney Spears Womanizer Lyrics
Songwriters: N/A

Send "Womanizer" Ringtone to your Cell

Superstar
Where you from, how's it going?
I know you
Got a clue, what you doing?

You can play brand new to
All the other chicks out here
But I know what you are
What you are, baby

Look at you
Gettin' more than just a re-up
Baby you
Got all the puppets with their strings up

Fakin' like a good one
But I call 'em like I see 'em
I know what you are
What you are, baby

Womanizer, woman-womanizer
You're a womanizer
Oh, womanizer, oh
You're a womanizer, baby

You, you, you are
You, you, you are
Womanizer, womanizer
Womanizer

Boy don't try to front, uh, I
Know just, just, what you are, ah, ah
Boy don't try to front, uh, I
Know just, just, what you are, ah, ah

You got me going
You're oh so charming
But I can't do it
You womanizer

Boy don't try to front, uh, I
Know just, just, what you are, ah, ah
Boy don't try to front, uh, I
Know just, just, what you are, ah, ah

You say I'm crazy
I got you crazy
You're nothing but a
Womanizer

Daddy-O
You got the swagger of a champion
Too bad for you
You just can't find the right companion

I guess when you have one too many
Makes it hard, it could be easy
Who you are
That's just who you are, baby

Lollipop
Must mistake me, you're the sucker
To think that I
Would be a victim, not another

Say it, play it, how you wanna?
But no way I'm ever gonna
Fall for you
Never you, baby

Womanizer, woman-womanizer
You're a womanizer
Oh, womanizer, oh
You're a womanizer, baby

You, you, you are
You, you, you are
Womanizer, womanizer
Womanizer

Boy don't try to front, uh, I
Know just, just, what you are, ah, ah
Boy don't try to front, uh, I
Know just, just, what you are, ah, ah

You got me going
You're oh so charming
But I can't do it
You womanizer

Boy don't try to front, uh, I
Know just, just, what you are, ah, ah
Boy don't try to front, uh, I
Know just, just, what you are, ah, ah

You say I'm crazy
I got you crazy
You're nothing but a
Womanizer

Maybe if
We both lived in a
Different world

It would be all good
And maybe I could be your girl
But I can't
'Cause we don't

Womanizer, woman-womanizer
You're a womanizer
Oh, womanizer, oh
You're a womanizer, baby

You, you, you are
You, you, you are
Womanizer, womanizer
Womanizer

Boy don't try to front, uh, I
Know just, just, what you are, ah, ah
Boy don't try to front, uh, I
Know just, just, what you are, ah, ah

You got me going
You're oh so charming
But I can't do it
You womanizer

Boy don't try to front, uh, I
Know just, just, what you are, ah, ah
Boy don't try to front, uh, I
Know just, just, what you are, ah, ah

You say I'm crazy
I got you crazy
You're nothing but a
Womanizer

Boy don't try to front, uh, I
Know just, just, what you are, ah, ah
Boy don't try to front, uh, I
Know just, just, what you are, ah, ah

Womanizer, woman-womanizer
You're a womanizer
Oh, womanizer, oh
You're a womanizer, baby

change

-watch this space-

LOML - he is starting to hate it when I take photo's!

Hands up - who thinks I made this chicken meal?

Yayee Tomato jam

I have been looking for Tomato jam for MONTHS, my gran used to make it for me...it is the BEST thing ever...mmmm

No comment! Wtf?

aaaaaaaaah Pick 'n Pay

Yes - but how much is no name sugAr?

FW: Read: RE: as discussed

How is this read receipt on Outlook? !

"Your message has been displayed to the user.
There is no guarantee that the message was read or understood."

mince pies

My mom bought mince pies for Clinton and me...

We finish our lunch and my mom tells us to have a mince pie...Clinton politely says he will have one later..

A little while later

I offer the plate of mince pies to Clinton, he politely takes one and tells me quietly: "I hate mince pies"

(Much to my shock of course)

When we get to the car, I try clear up the mince pie issue, and he lits it rip:

"I HATE MINCE PIES! Every xmas people offer mince pies to you. You visit one person, they give the mince pies to you, mmm, let's have one. Next place you go, they also offer mince pies to you! There is no mince in them...you can't even call it mince pie! It is fruity **&*&%^$.. AND it is not even pie. It is a fruity thing...! The first time I tried it, I thought : this is a nice idea, a mince pie, mmm...then I bit into it: NO mince. I am going to design the REAL mince pie - with mince, not this fruity )&*&)&"

ha ha ha, it was too funny!