Call centre conversations

 

Actual call centre conversations !!!!! Customer:     "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?". Operator:     "Where did you get that number from, sir?". Customer:     "It was on the door to the Travel Centre". Operator:     "Sir, they are our opening hours". ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Samsung Electronics Caller:          "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?" Operator:     "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about". Caller:          "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC  wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?" Operator:     "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall". ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Directory Enquiries Caller:               "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please". Operator:          "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?" Caller:               "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off". ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven. Operator:        "Woven? Are you sure?" Caller:             "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland ". ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Tech Support:      "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop". Customer:             "OK". Tech Support:      "Did you get a pop-up menu?". Customer:             "No". Tech Support:      "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" Customer:             "No". Tech Support:      "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?". Customer:            "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'". --------------------------------------------------------------------- Tech Support:          "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?" Customer:                "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?" ---------------------------------------------------------------------- There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause". Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!): Operator:         "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?" Caller:              "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." Operator:         "What sort of trouble??" Caller:              "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away." Operator:         "Went away?" Caller:              "They disappeared." Operator:         "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?" Caller:              "Nothing." Operator:         "Nothing??" Caller:              "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type." Operator:         "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??" Caller:              "How do I tell?" Operator:         "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??" Caller:              "What's a sea-prompt?" Operator:         "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?" Caller:              "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type." Operator:         "Does your monitor have a power indicator??" Caller:              "What's a monitor?" Operator:         "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??" Caller:               "I don't know." Operator:         "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??" Caller:              "Yes, I think so." Operator:         "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall. Caller:              "Yes, it is." Operator:         "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??" Caller:              "No." Operator:         "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable." Caller:              "Okay, here it is." Operator:         "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer." Caller:               "I can't reach." Operator:         "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??" Caller:               "No." Operator:         "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??" Caller:               "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark." Operator:         "Dark??" Caller:               "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window. Operator:         "Well, turn on the office light then." Caller:               "I can't." Operator:         "No? Why not??" Caller:               "Because there's a power failure." Operator:         "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.  Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??" Caller:               "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet." Operator:         "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from." Caller:               "Really? Is it that bad?" Operator:         "Yes, I'm afraid it is." Caller:               "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??" Operator:         "Tell them you're too f*%king stupid to own a computer!!!!!" Charlie Chaplin:  "A day without laughter is a day wasted"