this is good, just what I needed

Basic Conditions Of Employment Act

Dear Staff,

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.

o        If we see you wearing Gold chain, Nike sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

o        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise.

o        If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

PERSONAL DAYS:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

LUNCH BREAK:

o        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
o        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
o        Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

SICK DAYS:

o        We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness.
o        If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

RESTROOM USE:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls.
o        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, in the toilet
o        Paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken.  Please NO SMILING!!!
o        After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin .

Have a nice day.

 

Management