So, here I am, with my notebook and a backdrop of table mountain...aaah, bliss...
I will be posting pics soon!
Friday, January 30, 2009
Horrible dream
Last night I dreamt that I was in a black marble room and that the walls were closing in on me.
Then, I woke up, and the hotel room was pitch black, so I thought I really was in that marble room.
I ran around the hotel room, looking for a way out, and my heart was RACING, it felt like I was having a heart attack and my ears were ringing...
Then, reality eventually struck...
Then, I woke up, and the hotel room was pitch black, so I thought I really was in that marble room.
I ran around the hotel room, looking for a way out, and my heart was RACING, it felt like I was having a heart attack and my ears were ringing...
Then, reality eventually struck...
Thursday, January 29, 2009
what I have undergone the past few days
Monday last week:
In the evening I have two panic attacks, which results in a total of 4 hours sleep
06:30 mid-morning traffic...need I say more?
Get access cards and a staff number. On my access card my hair is yellow and my eyebrows look like yellow werewolf eyebrows..it looks like I have not plucked a day in my life
Tuesday last week:
I can't dial out...the lady who worked here before, left little cryptic clues, which I can't figure out.
Eventually someone from a different floor and a different department brings a book with more cryptic numbers and words, and what do you know, the PHONE code..
Wednesday morning at 04.00: flight to CTN (and it is also my birthday incidentally)
I miss the valet parking section and drive out to PTA...turn back and make it in time, JUST in time
Whole day - I am on heels and carrying a heavy laptop bag, which is missing a strap..hand in my notebook to get formatted
Have a late dinner...in Milnerton, beautiful view of the beach and little yachts on the water
Thursday morning:
Still in CTN, PC got formatted and I now have a strap for the laptop bag.
I notice blood blisters on my shoulders from carrying the laptop.
I can't walk anymore, the building where we are based houses 7000 people and these heels aren't made for walking. I try and sit as much as possible, which is close to impossible when the purpose of this trip is to walk over the place, meeting and greeting people.
In the evening, we fly back to Jozi, I am dead! Just want to go home. And then, of course, I get lost. I take an hour detour, break down and cry a little.
Friday:
Put in petrol, which means I now have to face twice the amount of traffic, due to the time factor. I reach Grayston drive (an hour later than I usually would) and my car doesn't want to do more thank 20km's and it refuses to switch gears.
Get a stack of work to do, finally! :-)
I get to spend the evening with my lovely boyfriend, we run around shopping for the Mexican themed birthday party.
Saturday:
We spend the whole day on our feet preparing for the birthday party, my honey bunny went through a LOT of trouble. He was the MASTER chef
In the evening we go out dancing
I throw up from the punch, but man it was good punch
Sunday:
Slightly hung over, but the throwing up definately helped..I will recover by lunchtime.
We spend the day chilling with Clinton's friend
Monday:
I print meeting packs for the conference in Cape Town. One problem, my printer does not work (in spite it being set up on the Friday)
B&W Printer works, but the colour one does not work
I end up working until 22:30 finishing the meeting packs, only go to bed at 12:30. My honey bunny came to bring food to me..he is so sweet
Tuesday:
Fly to CTN, realise I missed one page of printing for the meeting packs, CRAP
work until 20:45, go for dinner and one guy has an allergic reaction to seafood. We rush off to the 24hr chemist. I go to bed at 12:30
Wednesday:
I go food and gift shopping, I am driving around in a VITO BUS..people swear at me, cos they assume I am a taxi driver. Fellow taxi driver hoot and wave at me, cos I am a comrade.
I get lost on the way back, try to follow Table Mountain. No luck. I stop off at a friendly Capie, and he drives to where I need to be and I follow him.
Go out to dinner, bed at 12:00
Thursday:
I just want to check into my room to freshen up a bit. My key card doesn't work. I go to the reception, they say I have checked out, cos I flew to JHB. I say: then how the heck can I be standing right here? They put all my luggage in the reception...I sort it out and get a room upgrade
In the evening I have two panic attacks, which results in a total of 4 hours sleep
06:30 mid-morning traffic...need I say more?
Get access cards and a staff number. On my access card my hair is yellow and my eyebrows look like yellow werewolf eyebrows..it looks like I have not plucked a day in my life
Tuesday last week:
I can't dial out...the lady who worked here before, left little cryptic clues, which I can't figure out.
Eventually someone from a different floor and a different department brings a book with more cryptic numbers and words, and what do you know, the PHONE code..
Wednesday morning at 04.00: flight to CTN (and it is also my birthday incidentally)
I miss the valet parking section and drive out to PTA...turn back and make it in time, JUST in time
Whole day - I am on heels and carrying a heavy laptop bag, which is missing a strap..hand in my notebook to get formatted
Have a late dinner...in Milnerton, beautiful view of the beach and little yachts on the water
Thursday morning:
Still in CTN, PC got formatted and I now have a strap for the laptop bag.
I notice blood blisters on my shoulders from carrying the laptop.
I can't walk anymore, the building where we are based houses 7000 people and these heels aren't made for walking. I try and sit as much as possible, which is close to impossible when the purpose of this trip is to walk over the place, meeting and greeting people.
In the evening, we fly back to Jozi, I am dead! Just want to go home. And then, of course, I get lost. I take an hour detour, break down and cry a little.
Friday:
Put in petrol, which means I now have to face twice the amount of traffic, due to the time factor. I reach Grayston drive (an hour later than I usually would) and my car doesn't want to do more thank 20km's and it refuses to switch gears.
Get a stack of work to do, finally! :-)
I get to spend the evening with my lovely boyfriend, we run around shopping for the Mexican themed birthday party.
Saturday:
We spend the whole day on our feet preparing for the birthday party, my honey bunny went through a LOT of trouble. He was the MASTER chef
In the evening we go out dancing
I throw up from the punch, but man it was good punch
Sunday:
Slightly hung over, but the throwing up definately helped..I will recover by lunchtime.
We spend the day chilling with Clinton's friend
Monday:
I print meeting packs for the conference in Cape Town. One problem, my printer does not work (in spite it being set up on the Friday)
B&W Printer works, but the colour one does not work
I end up working until 22:30 finishing the meeting packs, only go to bed at 12:30. My honey bunny came to bring food to me..he is so sweet
Tuesday:
Fly to CTN, realise I missed one page of printing for the meeting packs, CRAP
work until 20:45, go for dinner and one guy has an allergic reaction to seafood. We rush off to the 24hr chemist. I go to bed at 12:30
Wednesday:
I go food and gift shopping, I am driving around in a VITO BUS..people swear at me, cos they assume I am a taxi driver. Fellow taxi driver hoot and wave at me, cos I am a comrade.
I get lost on the way back, try to follow Table Mountain. No luck. I stop off at a friendly Capie, and he drives to where I need to be and I follow him.
Go out to dinner, bed at 12:00
Thursday:
I just want to check into my room to freshen up a bit. My key card doesn't work. I go to the reception, they say I have checked out, cos I flew to JHB. I say: then how the heck can I be standing right here? They put all my luggage in the reception...I sort it out and get a room upgrade
Friday, January 16, 2009
surf's up
My favourite scene from the movie:
It's when the sea urchin is being interviewed after the penguin steps on him...
He says:
"Stepped on me? Stepped on me?!! He was frigging DANCING ON ME! Look at this: BROKEN, BROKEN, GONE, GONE BROKEN!"
(whilst pointing at his spikes)
It cracks me up
traditional female roles = back breaking work
Last night, I got home at about 17:15, here follows the chain of events:
- washed dishes
- made dinner
- ironed
- did washing (machine and handwash)
- sewed on buttons on a top and sewed beads onto another
and after all this, it was 22:15! HTF? Jeepers! And I was tired, my back was aching...it took forever to do these things!
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Totsiens - Farewell - Hamba Kahle Elite
To all the ladies at Elite,
My final day has arrived and I feel it befitting to say a few words :)
Ahem...
The first question most of you have is 'why?' I can assure you, it has not been due to poor performance from my side (my figures will speak for themselves) So, alas, if I am not getting the proverbial boot, then why leave?
The reason is, that my passion lies within creative roles and at present, I am not being true to myself and my true calling. I must sound like an Oprah episode, but believe me, it's from the heart.
So, to get back to my 'true calling', I will be moving into a role which I am qualified to do (in more ways than one) even if it is a few years later!
The recruitment industry has it's up's and down's (but no need to tell you that) And I can say that I have taken many positive things out of my experiences during the past two years. I have learnt to stand up for myself, I learnt a lot about people, I worked with some of the best in the industry and made a few good friends along the way.
But, of course, a mutually beneficial relationship is a healthy one, and I can happily say that I have left a 'little bit of San' behind. It may be something simple, something you don't even notice. Such as the directions you send to candidates for client interviews (yes, those were set up by yours truelly)
Lastly, I would like to leave you with some wise words:
Reach for the sky - you may not always reach it, but when you fall, you will always fall among the stars! (A great place to be in my book)
Warmest regards and well wishes for 2000-and-devine (2009) !
San
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Ha ha - how is my horoscope today? how TRUE!
Your Horoscope Today
Doing the work you're currently involved may go against a part of your morals today. Try to figure out how things got to this and whether you can live with it if it is only a temporary situation.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
and just cos it's raining today
RAIN GEAR
Footwear that keeps water out also keeps it in. That's a simple fact. So if you're really careful, galoshes can keep your socks dry. If you're not really careful, though, they quickly become Lipton Cup O' Foot Soup. I am rarely really careful, so I don't bother with galoshes. My socks may be wet, but at least there's flow-through. C
It's the simple things that make life so grand. Things like sticking your head through a hole. Ponchos are nice that way. They're also nice because they're generally big enough to protect any backpacks, purses, pages, PDAs, leathermen, or South American clinging primates you might be carrying on you. And if you're as tall as I am they can be used as a Slip 'N' Slide in the summer months. B+
These are so nice and playful and fun and enjoyable that I'm willing to overlook the fact that they don't work worth driveway gravel. Unless you come from the Magical Land of Entirely Vertical Precipitation, your entire lower body is going to get soaked by any stroll longer than from the car to the coffee shop. But more effective rain protection rarely comes in the shape of a happy frog head, so it's a trade-off. B
I don't see enough of these. Why aren't people wearing rain hats? About the only people I ever see in rain hats are kids in Kodak commercials and Christopher Robin. Maybe I need to live someplace rainier. Or someplace where people are more casual about putting yellow rubber things on their heads. Either way. C+
The really good rain suits are the transparent ones, because you can put them on and pretend to be ribbed for her pleasure. Alternatively, if you're wearing a nice suit you can pretend that you sent your whole body to the dry cleaners and just got it back. Both of which are more fun than admitting you're just a wet dork in a plastic sheath. D+
more on this ratings dude - he really is a great writer
I enjoy the lozenge. I consider lozenge-sucking one of the few good aspects of a sinus-swelling throat infection. I suck them down like considerably less-jolly Jolly Ranchers. I made the mistake of looking at the ingredient list once, though. It said "ACTIVE INGREDIENT: PECTIN." Pectin? How is pectin an active ingredient in the war against throat pain? I think they just put that in there because "ACTIVE INGREDIENT: YOUR OWN SALIVA, ACTUALLY" isn't going to sell a lot of cough drops. A+
Every flu season magazines and newspapers love to run articles about how chicken soup really is good for a cold, just like they say. One doctor says that cooked chicken releases anti-respiratory medication, another says that soup inhibits inflammatory white blood cells, and so forth. That's all fine and good, but if someone tries to present me with scientific proof that Chicken Soup for the Soul actually is good for your soul, I'm leaving the planet. B
I remember this being very soothing as a child, but I've never been able to actually work up the will to spread menthol goo on my own chest as an adult. Lying on my back with globs of jelly in my chest hair would just make me feel like somebody's fetish. Plus, and this is the kicker, it makes me smell like some sort of monstrous irradiated eucalyptus tree. None for me, thanks. C-
You'll note that the ultimate low point for booze is tasting like cough syrup. If the alcohol in question is coming out of a shatter-proof plastic jug, chances are someone will point out the similarity to it and Robitussin. Given that I'm not the biggest fan of cheap booze, the ideal abstraction of cheap booze isn't going to appeal to me either, cough or no cough. D+
Blech blech blech. Talk about the cure being worse than the disease. If I were to catch an illness that made the taste of echinacea ooze down my throat every thirty minutes, I'd be pounding on the triage counter at the emergency room demanding satisfaction faster than you can say "FDA approval." Luckily Big Medicine is catching on to this and releasing items with the echinacea flavor heavily masked. If they come out with children's chewable echinacea I might give it a try. D
Friday, January 09, 2009
These are so good!
![[ Lego Darth ]](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/blogger_img_proxy/AEn0k_uO6btPkujnanbE3np1SV2_pjcbbKOBu1idcSfB8OhxUGj_yD2ebnwNwZbGMNnRQZPQUpPzGMkgk7R42PTRw_zf1SjVz6sOeWf3TJ_QegGHog=s0-d) |
|
![[ Lego Endor Trooper ]](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/blogger_img_proxy/AEn0k_sFeaAK2kdn5zLFzE0ihxzL7-Xk98KP2Zmej2Tza0pRI1ahcByiyFgUebuQI4XAXu6y2kfvtvT1NHyTH8YOZthc6d-iyngNpsCbd6M2LnDgiuz9YfoH7NLa=s0-d) |
|
![[ Lego Biggs ]](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/blogger_img_proxy/AEn0k_u64y3B7u4oQrC5grUGxw8lgGaDO7zEYwjsvd3O6jLMP9qhBm_ZQ67-oiKeVej9__8SLKTUKIYd1bhpq7B-ykS3nMFh2TQFZMMpJb_XHNuPiBw=s0-d) |
|
![[ Lego Boba Fett ]](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/blogger_img_proxy/AEn0k_vZneyTLglElV57BBEsaeQnYWk25z4RimtmhniKKEhx35FO01ghfLcPHePku-4c2eIcVgHI5doAGxyU42lQXGXniMd04npdRe2KmSyeKgc6kQ=s0-d) |
|
![[ Lego Frozen Han ]](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/blogger_img_proxy/AEn0k_sklMYacZS9vONeyCdvQM8DDIh7Zt2XjvkFHfLnUV5lkttHp0HseblgbiXZTSseu-jmhCIUIH24dq6Xwu8oCQ0llcguKwOO4ooIydmr-xnolTBs1TL2=s0-d) |
|
![[ Lego Luke ]](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/blogger_img_proxy/AEn0k_tgqXyhZf2RCSHYAm3tqelqGWs9yvzbG1epXFvdXRH4cXYBo27o6qmOPEESc7d4DHNDvAsZeRhxIRq9c2G9nrcyCWZCdYNJhquRRxq085j3=s0-d) |
|
they just keep coming
Sure, why not. There's probably some goddess-crescent connection here, and if there isn't I'm sure there are plenty of liberal arts undergrads willing to make one up. My favorite part is how you're supposed to keep your lucky horseshoe's ends up "to keep the luck from pouring out." Because you don't want to have a doorstep covered in luck which will enter the sewage system during the next rain and drain to the ocean, resulting in unnaturally fortunate salmon. The resulting devastating impact on the ecosystem is easy to envision. So watch it. B
Yeah yeah, it wasn't lucky for the rabbit, we've all heard that one about a million times, and the only reason I even mention it is to avoid mail "reminding" me of this "oversight." Even so, I find rabbit's feet a little gruesome to pin my personal fortunes to. I don't want to be put in the position of saying "I owe all my success and acclaim to this dismembered mammal limb I keep with me." D
That's right, an isolated chunk of interstellar grit traversed uncounted miles of cold space, then fell into the sea of our atmosphere and died in a slashing trail of flame so that you could wish for a new set of speakers for your Chevy Tahoe. I mean, astrology also assumes heavenly objects determine whether it's a good time to buy a new shirt, but at least astrology doesn't require Venus to crash into the earth for to do so. On the other hand, shooting stars are pretty. A-
"FInd a penny, pick it up, and all the day you'll have good luck." Does this apply to convenience store penny trays? You possess the penny for an instant before handing it to the clerk, don't you? You found it, you picked it up. My God, this could revolutionize the science of random prosperity. It could take its place among other examples of modern luck-generation innovations like the steam-powered wishing well and Rainbow Brite. C+
I imagine most good luck charms have an annoying song associated with them if you look hard enough (e.g. "Lucky Star") but this one is just out of control. I don't know if it was the traditional Sing Along with Mitch version or the gory schoolyard parody that made it impossible for me to consider clover of any variety -- even clover honey -- without hearing "...that I overlooked beFORE!" echoing insanely through my head, but I don't like it. C-
ha ha ha
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
|
ba ha ha
The interesting thing about these reasonably tasty vegetable snacks, aside from the fact that they're named after a fundamental property of the universe, is that they come with a red packet of something. I should have known this, as the package features a small cartoon red packet of something with Mickey Mouse gloves, but it still came as a surprise. I am now going to open the packet to see what it is. Wish me luck. [Opens packet.] It's ketchup. that weirds me out. B-
These are rice cakes. Just like mother used to buy at the health food store. There's really not much to say about rice cakes, so I'm going to have to resort to making fun of the stilted English on the package.
"Man protects nature and nature protects man. Please put the useless wrapper in the trash con."
"Please avoid direct light or the moistured place how ever select the clean place to store."
"The 'POP' Snack is so servieeable to children's snack because of its softness and taste popped from the main ingredient of the snack rice."
"By chance when you can change them at business offices or nearby stores where you had pur chsed them."
"Let's establish health society by abolishing inferior food."
I don't know about you, but I'm ready to start establishing health society even as we speak. C-
it just gets better!
The airsoles and the flashing lights and the celebrity endorsements are what get all the attention, but what impresses me most about them is the vast improvements in tread design we've seen over the past couple of decades. Tennis shoe treads now incorporate all sorts of freaky expressionist art. If only the waffle iron makers had the courage to follow suit. B
Also known as zories, wedgies, jellies, thongs and Jerusalem crickets, these have the advantage that they're easy to slip on your feet on the way to the beach, and the disadvantage that they're designed only for walking in one direction at a moderate pace. Try and pull of a mambo in these things and they'll be called "soaring projectiles." B-
At six-foot-four I'd no sooner wear platform shoes than an artificial nose extension, but if you want to give it a shot, go for it. Then you can see what it's like to bump your head in airplane bathrooms and on hanging decorations in festive Mexican restaurants. Then you can see what it's like to have everyone assume that if there's something on the top of the fridge that needs reaching, you're the one who's going to do it. Then you can see what it's like to never be protected by crowds from viewing street performance. C-
Fuzzy slippers and terrycloth bathrobes are the little things that make it possible to survive the long walk from the bedroom to the coffee machine. And if they're in the shape of some sort of animal or animal part, so much the better. There's nothing like putting your foot in a rabbit to start the day off right. A
ha ha
INSECTS
"Fouler insect never swarmed or flew, nor creepy toad was gross as 'tato bug. Remove the cursed thing before I freak." -- Wm. Shakespeare, Betty and Veronica, Act 1, Scene 23. I can't even go into how nightmarish these vile little affronts to decency and aesthetics are. If I were having an Indiana Jones-style adventure, the Nazis would lock me in a crypt with a herd of potato bugs. And, I might add, I'd choke myself to death with my own whip right then and there rather than let a single evil little one of them touch my still-living body. They're still better than Scrappy-Doo, though. D-
Now this is what I like in an insect. Brightly colored and small with no stingers or noxious substance glands or pinchers or high-pitched whining in the middle of the night or hideous claws dripping with the congealed blood of innocents or unfortunate interest in ceramic collectibles. And it has a nice little rhyme. A
I like the idea of an insect that looks like something other than an insect. I think we should expand on the idea and encourage, through prayer and/or genetic tampering -- the development of cigarette butt insects, 9-volt battery insects, and ethernet card insects. Or at least a Pixy Stick insect. As long as they're either locked in zoos and laboratories or native to someplace I'm not going. B-
Our society has an odd relationship with the concept of the flea. We make them into cartoon characters, subject them to scanning microscopy, and name our rock stars after them. They're easily our favorite bloodsucking, plague-spreading parasite, and yet we spend massive amounts of money to keep them the hell off our cats. There's a lesson here about the American approach to celebrity, but I haven't had breakfast yet so I'm not going to pursue it. C-
Sure they're swarming biting pests, but they have a neat name. It sounds like a type of candy. "I'll have a pack of Razzles, some Jolly Ranchers, and a whole handful of No-See-Ums." They're also called punkies. A Circle K candy aisle filled with Punkies, No-See-Ums and, say, Chiggers sounds delicious indeed. C+
ha ha - this writing is real good
I like "circle," because it provides actual information. You're not going to say to yourself, "Maybe if I just follow Van Buren Circle I'll get to the freeway." I would like to apply this principle to other street names, giving us "Harding Road That Winds Around a Lot Then Comes to an Abrupt End at the Cannery," and "Coolidge Speed-Bump-Infested Road That You're Going to Have to Go Down at Fifteen Miles an Hour Because the Residents Got Tired of High-Schoolers Laying Rubber at Three in the Morning." A
"Lane" is a nice word, but I think it should only be applied to two-way residential streets with lots of trees and endearingly asymmetrical chalked hopscotch squares on the sidewalks. And it can't be used in Los Angeles. There are no lanes in Los Angeles, unless you count Car Pool Lane. B-
Now this is just trying too hard. "Crescent" is for city planners who find "cul-de-sac" too vulgar. What are they trying to evoke here? The silvery autumn moon? French pastries? A wrench? I don't know that I've ever seen a crescent-shaped street anyway. Aren't crescents supposed to be fatter in the middle? I think the word they're looking for is "Arc." D
I generally think of Avenues as where you put the car dealerships. In fact, if I were designing a city, I'd just stick "Car Dealership Avenue" near a major freeway and that way everyone would know where to go for Crazy No-Down-Payment Dealin' Days without having to use Mapquest. Maybe I'd divide it into "West Car Dealership Avenue" and "East Car Dealership Avenue" just to add a bit of challenge. C-
I admire "street" precisely because it's so boring. "We're on Tyler Street. Don't get all worked up, it's just a street." It's an antidote to living in a society where, in an effort to make boring things sound interesting, words become less meaningful by the day. For instance, one would expect "Beanie Baby Headquarters" to indicate the place where Beanie Babies go to receive instructions and get debriefed, but judging from the signs on about two dozen local stores, it now just means "A place where one can buy Beanie Babies." A
ha ha
| | |||||
Ha ha - more prodcucts. Korean one's
Hey, not bad. You'd think that American candy would have covered all reasonable permutations this side of fudge-dipped yak nougat, but they've somehow overlooked "Choc-coated marshmallow filled wafer," more's the pity. "Choc" in this case refers to something listed on the ingredient label as "compounded chocolate," which sounds like something you'd earn at the First Bank of Snackville but which is actually a combination of chocolate and things you normally would specifically request to be kept out of your chocolate. But hey, it's Pollywaffle! B+
More "choc," this time in the form of "choc-orange in a crisp shell." I couldn't figure out what made the orange aspect of this candy so odd until I realized that it tastes more or less like real oranges, which is a rarity in the world of snack foods. Anyway, the back of the package claims that if you laid all the Jaffas sold in one year end to end, "you'd eat your way from Darwin to Hobart." I can only assume these are the names of a lovable pair of talking dachshunds from a children's television show. C+
One of the least disturbing of the items shipped to me, these are chocolate biscuits ("biscuits" being the Australian term for what we call "empty calories") coated in chocolate with some sort of chocolatey substance between them. Like most of these items, they seem to contain some sort of secret mega-sweet ingredient that makes my pancreas throb. I think it's called "cane sugar." Heaven knows I'm used to sweet stuff, but a few bites of these and I feel like I've been mugged by an Oompa-Loompa. B
Whoa, hey! These are great! These are mint-chocolate cookies and -- I'm bordering on treason here -- they're better than the Thin Mints the Girl Scouts hawk. This is because they've managed to coax the minty goop from Junior Mints into immoral cohabitation with a cookie in a disreputable hotel of chocolate. I'd love to see what the people responsible for these things could do with Do-Si-Dos. A
As if the words "Cherry Ripe" in big yellow lettering weren't enough, the package also explains that this candy bar contains "Ripe Juicy Cherries." I don't know if there was some scandal involving underripe cherry treats in Australia's history or if we're just supposed to admire their patience, but comes across as overcompensation either way. C-
I was relieved to find out that this contains neither fried chicken nor potato salad. To the contrary, it's actually a pretty reasonable log o'candy, somewhat reminiscent of a 100 Grand Bar, except without being conveniently halved. More package fun: a suggestion that you "please dispose of empty package thoughtfully," which puts me in the mind of considering the motif of duality in the works of Gabriel Garcia Marquez while tossing the wrapper over your shoulder. B-
In case you wanted to know
Hey, not bad. You'd think that American candy would have covered all reasonable permutations this side of fudge-dipped yak nougat, but they've somehow overlooked "Choc-coated marshmallow filled wafer," more's the pity. "Choc" in this case refers to something listed on the ingredient label as "compounded chocolate," which sounds like something you'd earn at the First Bank of Snackville but which is actually a combination of chocolate and things you normally would specifically request to be kept out of your chocolate. But hey, it's Pollywaffle! B+
More "choc," this time in the form of "choc-orange in a crisp shell." I couldn't figure out what made the orange aspect of this candy so odd until I realized that it tastes more or less like real oranges, which is a rarity in the world of snack foods. Anyway, the back of the package claims that if you laid all the Jaffas sold in one year end to end, "you'd eat your way from Darwin to Hobart." I can only assume these are the names of a lovable pair of talking dachshunds from a children's television show. C+
One of the least disturbing of the items shipped to me, these are chocolate biscuits ("biscuits" being the Australian term for what we call "empty calories") coated in chocolate with some sort of chocolatey substance between them. Like most of these items, they seem to contain some sort of secret mega-sweet ingredient that makes my pancreas throb. I think it's called "cane sugar." Heaven knows I'm used to sweet stuff, but a few bites of these and I feel like I've been mugged by an Oompa-Loompa. B
Whoa, hey! These are great! These are mint-chocolate cookies and -- I'm bordering on treason here -- they're better than the Thin Mints the Girl Scouts hawk. This is because they've managed to coax the minty goop from Junior Mints into immoral cohabitation with a cookie in a disreputable hotel of chocolate. I'd love to see what the people responsible for these things could do with Do-Si-Dos. A
As if the words "Cherry Ripe" in big yellow lettering weren't enough, the package also explains that this candy bar contains "Ripe Juicy Cherries." I don't know if there was some scandal involving underripe cherry treats in Australia's history or if we're just supposed to admire their patience, but comes across as overcompensation either way. C-
I was relieved to find out that this contains neither fried chicken nor potato salad. To the contrary, it's actually a pretty reasonable log o'candy, somewhat reminiscent of a 100 Grand Bar, except without being conveniently halved. More package fun: a suggestion that you "please dispose of empty package thoughtfully," which puts me in the mind of considering the motif of duality in the works of Gabriel Garcia Marquez while tossing the wrapper over your shoulder. B-
This site records weird products
This is a device -- perfect for tucking into a purse or utility belt -- which informs one of one's bra size. Clever and all, but I personally don't wear bras except that one time, and all my female friends know their bra size already. But I'm sure it will come in handy if I ever take up writing cheap porn: "Rhiannon unbuttoned her clown outfit to reveal her firm breasts, which were, hold on, let's say 34D." D+
The soap in question came as part of one of those skin care systems that promise to invigorate your skin and reassure your pores or somesuch. The problem is that it's clear glycerine soap. Completely colorless. Which means that in the water it instantly turns invisible, making it incredibly likely that you'll slip on it and bang your head against your waterproof radio and as the surgeon cuts into your skull to relieve the swelling he'll admire your beautiful skin. D
Lots of interesting crap in here. Like a cookie jar in the shape of Elvis, so that you can pretend you're retrieving baked goods from the torso of the King himself. Like clothing so ugly even Presley wouldn't wear it, each item nonetheless emblazoned with his signature. Perhaps the most off-putting is a CD of Looney Tunes characters singing Elvis songs. I can't bear to imagine what Elmer Fudd singing "Love Me Tender" must sound like. Oh wait, it'd probably sound a lot like Cyndi Lauper. B+
Not just your ordinary shoe catalog, this was comprised of shoes that are a) high-heeled, b) tacky, and c) suspiciously large. Now, all the models in the catalog were women, but I'm not sure the majority of the buyers are, if you follow me. But apparently you can't just label your catalog "SHOES FOR BURLY GUYS IN DRAG" in the current political climate, so they have to go through the same sad pretense that Playgirl has been living with for decades. C
At first I was pleased that some light bulb manufacturer had seen fit to send us a free sample, but the note enclosed informed me that it was actually the packaging that I was supposed to be impressed with, given that it had protected the light bulb from the slings and/or arrows of the US Postal Service. So of course I took this as a personal challenge, put the lightbulb back in the package, and proceeded to stomp on it right there in the post office like some crazed bridegroom at a Jewish wedding. I won. The package may have stood up to cross-country transport, but it can't endure the fury of a Shuttlecock. B
Resident Evil
Ok, so maybe this is why girls don't play PS games...
I am too scared to play Resident Evil and Daemon Summoner...you have to creep around the dark and go into buildings - looking for SOMETHING that is out there.
My heart rate goes up, my palms get sweaty and when I get to the door's entrance, I can't go further!
50 Things To Do If You're Really Bored
1. Get your friends stoned/drunk/etc. Start saying things to them like, "Can a boulder eat the English Parliament?" and take note of their reaction.
2. Bring a dictionary to a restaurant. Begin reading out the definitions of highly infectious diseases, preferably ones that can be caught from eating food. Laugh occasionally.
3. Stand on a street corner holding a sign that says, "Will not work for food." Laugh and point at people as they drive by.
4. Put on a suit. Put a nametag in the pocket. Go to McDonald’s/ Taco Bell/etc. Occasionally tap a customer on the shoulder and say, "I’m sorry, you’ll have to leave. We don’t serve your kind here."
5. Run around the mall with a broom between your legs, humming the music of "The Wicked Witch" from the Wizard of Oz.
6. Fill your backpack with empty beer cans and go to the mall. Act incredibly drunk. If security comes after you, cry for your mother.
7. Walk into a prestigious law firm, wearing jeans and a T-shirt. Walk up to the secretary and say, "Hi, I’m so-and-so. I’m your new boss."
8. Walk into a Taco Bell and say, "Hey! What’s all this taco crap doing here?!? What happened to all the burgers and fries?!?"
9. Pretend you’re blind. Sit at a bus stop playing with a Rubix Cube.
10. Stick a banana in your ear. If people ask why there’s a banana in your ear, say, "I’m sorry, I can’t hear you. There’s a cucumb— what the hell?!? Where’s my cucumber?!?"
11. Bring a toy helicopter to the mall. Run around with it, humming the theme from "Airwolf". Occasionally stage near-misses with other patrons to the mall.
12. Go to a restaurant and order a bowl of croutons. If they refuse, start to cry. If they still refuse, storm out of the restaurant, screaming about the horrible service. If they do bring you a bowl of croutons, scream, "What the hell is this crap?!?"
13. Try to get arrested. Ask if you’re going to be on "Cops". When they say no, say, "You mean, I did that all for nothing?" Threaten to sue.
14. Go to the mall. Start asking people if they have a spare family, because you "lost yours in a sandstorm." Ask if you could borrow THEIR family.
15. Drive around until you see a hitchhiker. Pull up next to him/her. Ask him/her, "Is your name jell-O?" When they say no, say, "Too bad, ‘cause there’s always room for jell-o!"
16. Call a random number. Tell them that you want to make a prank call, but you don’t have any good ideas. Ask them for suggestions. If you get any, call them a minute later and try out some of those suggestions, except screw them up. If they don’t give any suggestions, say, "Oh, sure, you just want to keep all the good ideas to yourself!" and hang up.
17. Get some headphones with no player, and leave the hook-up dangling clearly down in front of you. Start head-banging and "singing along".
18. Go into an elevator, and start dancing to the muzak. Also works in grocery/department stores.
19. Get a yo-yo. Go to the mall and let it drag on the ground behind you as you walk. Tell people that you’re just "walking the dog."
20. Walk around in a restaurant, occasionally pointing to other peoples’ food and saying, "Are you gonna eat that?"
21. Go to the mall. Start following someone around. Be as obvious as possible. If they leave the mall, pull up your shirt collar and whisper into it.
22. Go to the mall. Pick a random person and say, "Do you know who I am?!?" When they say no, say, "Well, I know who YOU are..." and walk away, chuckling.
23. Call a random number. In a demented, gritty voice, say, "Do you like funny movies? Oh, wait.... umm... can I start over?" Panic, and then hang up.
24. Stand on top of a manhole cover in the middle of the street. If anyone asks you what you’re doing, say, "I have to stand here... otherwise, IT will escape!!" Stumble a little as if the cover shook.
25. Walk around with a cape on. Whenever someone comes too close, wave them away. Say things like "I have not given you leave to address me," or "Do you think that I associate with your ilk?"
26. Stage a riot around a gumball machine.
29. Wander around, wringing your hands, saying "...At night, the Ice Weasels come..." or the like.
30. Get a trenchcoat. Stuff several rolls of Charmin under it. Ask random people, "Is Mr. Wipple around?" If they say yes, grab their arm and say, "Follow me!" If they say no, hand them a roll and say, "Squeeze with me! Quick!"
31. Set up a table in front of a supermarket. Whenever someone comes out, ask, "How many cockroaches did you see in there?" If they reply "None", say, "Oh, so they’re hiding them better now, huh?" Scribble in a notebook.
32. Put on a jumpsuit and carry around a pilot’s helmet. If someone asks why you’re dressed like that, say, "Because... I’m the last starfighter!!!"
33. Hold drawn-out discussions with the drinking fountain.
34. Think of all the people that you’d like to see in a clown outfit.
35. Go around to all the newspaper machines. Put a single quarter in, and take out all the newspapers. Leave them lying on top of the machine. Put a little sign on top that says, "Newspapers, $1".
36. Carry around a sign that says "Crack for Sale". If you’re stopped by the authorities, say, "Dammit! He told me this said ‘Eat at Joe’s’!"
37. Go to an internet chat room. Type in "If you’re happy and you know it, press 9." Start pressing 9 repeatedly.
38. Attach a piece of paper with little holes in it to your pants, so that it dangles down in front of your crotch. When people ask what it is, say, "It’s braille."
39. Make a big sign that says "It’s my birthday and I have no money". Walk around in the mall with it, and see what happens.
40. Chug seventeen sodas. Don’t burp. Explode.
41. Try to create life using only lighter fluid and jelly beans.
42. See how many cheese-puffs you can shove up your nose.
43. See how many cheese-puffs you can shove up other peoples’ noses. Without permission.
45. Go to the mall parking lot. Take all the little antenna balls on all the cars, and put them all on the most expensive car in the lot.
46. Get a stapler. Hold people up with it. Tell them that you have "an itchy staple finger".
47. Carve a life-size replica of the US capital building out of butter.
48. Bring a camcorder to the mall. Jump in front of random people and scream, "Smile!! You’re on candid camera!!!"
49. Go scuba diving in the ponds on golf courses.
50. Buy a gallon of ice cream. Smear it all over your face, your hands, your clothes. Go back to the store and complain about "Ice Cream Bombs".
Mamma Mia
Pretty cool movie...it's not the typical musical where they spontaneously burst into song. When they sing one of the ABBA songs, you will actually find yourself thinking: Wow, what a clever part to use that song in.
Men even liked this movie, so there is no excuse for anybody not to go see it...
:-)
23 credit cards
On Oprah last night, they had the intolerable Suze Orman discussing money matters.
The one American woman had 23 credit cards! All maxed! HTF?
No wonder America is in a deficit, just imagine what the rest of the population is getting up to
Forgiveness vs. giving a crap anymore
How do you differentiate between forgiving somebody and not giving a crap about them or the situation?
Or does forgiveness usually follow once you stop caring?
I find, and this may reflect badly on my moral fiber, BUT...I usually forgive people when I am really not interested in them anymore.
Thursday, January 08, 2009
The Boy Does Nothing Lyrics
I got A man with two left feet
And when he dances down to the beat
I really think that he should know
That his rhythms go go go
I got A man with two left feet
And when he dances down to the beat
I really think that he should know
That his rhythms go go go
CHORUS x2:
Does he wash up?
Never wash up
Does he clean up?
No, he never cleans up
Does he brush up?
Never brushed up
He does nothing
The boy does nothing
Hey boy
How you been?
I got a thousand lines
Where do I begin?
And I
I been here, been there
Traveling
I saw you at the corner
My vibe kicked in
[The Boy Does Nothing Lyrics On http://www.elyricsworld.com/ ]
And
Two fields
I clock you
Wearing tight jeans
A real nice suit
He was smiling like you
Was just seventeen
I asked him for a dance
He said 'yes please'
Take a sip of dancing juice
Everybody's onto you
Through the left and to the right
Everybody hit the rhythm
It's on tonight
I'm gonna feel the heat within my soul
I need a man to take control
Let the melody blow you all away
CHORUS x2
Work it out now
Work it, Work it out now
Do the mumbo
Shake it all around now
Everybody on the floor
Let me see you clap your hands
I wanna see you work
I wanna see you move your body in turn
I wanna see you shake your hips and learn
I wanna see you work it, work it, work it out now
I wanna see you work
I wanna see you move your body in turn
I wanna see you shake your hips and learn
I wanna see you work it, work it, work it out now
CHORUS x2
And if the man can't dance, he gets no second chance x5
I got A man with two left feet
And when he dances down to the beat
I really think that he should know
That his rhythms go go go
I got A man with two left feet
And when he dances down to the beat
I really think that he should know
That his rhythms go go go
CHORUS x2:
Does he wash up?
Never wash up
Does he clean up?
No, he never cleans up
Does he brush up?
Never brushed up
He does nothing
The boy does nothing
Hey boy
How you been?
I got a thousand lines
Where do I begin?
And I
I been here, been there
Traveling
I saw you at the corner
My vibe kicked in
[The Boy Does Nothing Lyrics On http://www.elyricsworld.com/ ]
And
Two fields
I clock you
Wearing tight jeans
A real nice suit
He was smiling like you
Was just seventeen
I asked him for a dance
He said 'yes please'
Take a sip of dancing juice
Everybody's onto you
Through the left and to the right
Everybody hit the rhythm
It's on tonight
I'm gonna feel the heat within my soul
I need a man to take control
Let the melody blow you all away
CHORUS x2
Work it out now
Work it, Work it out now
Do the mumbo
Shake it all around now
Everybody on the floor
Let me see you clap your hands
I wanna see you work
I wanna see you move your body in turn
I wanna see you shake your hips and learn
I wanna see you work it, work it, work it out now
I wanna see you work
I wanna see you move your body in turn
I wanna see you shake your hips and learn
I wanna see you work it, work it, work it out now
CHORUS x2
And if the man can't dance, he gets no second chance x5
San's recipe to getting promoted
Do extremely well in what is expected of you, once you have mastered this, you can start taking on a few things that aren't expected of you..
Blow your own horn - to the right people - it's no use telling your colleague how much blood, sweat and tears you are putting into the company - tell somebody who is in a senior position...they need to start recognising you and know your NAME!
Show interest in what people at higher levels are doing - if possible, ask them questions...
Dress the part...personal appearance has a far greater impact than you think!
When the time is right and you are able to handle what is expected, and that which is not expected, talk to your manager about senior openings in the department, as you are in need of a challenge...
Remember, consistency is extremely important as is a big mouth!
This worked for me, two promotions in 6 months later...
wee time is me time
Generally, I regard going to the bathroom as a rather private activity.
I feel so strongly about this that I will not go into a cubicle at work if another cubicle is already occupied or even if there is someone in the bathroom vicinity. I feel so strongly about it, that I do not let nature call in front of my boyfriend..
SO..just imagine my reaction when I am in a cubicle, and one of my SENIOR colleagues walks into the bathroom and shouts:
"Who is in here?! ... Oh San!? ...so what do you think about this deal, and we must set up a meeting for this date...."
it KILLS me
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
FW:
I got my sense of humour back...
From: Tasneem Klinck
Sent: 07 January 2009 15:29 PM
To: San-Mari Swart
Subject: RE:
Hahahahahahah you kill me
From: San-Mari Swart
Sent: 07 January 2009 03:27 PM
To: Tasneem Klinck
Subject: RE:
cos im bored to death...
From: Tasneem Klinck
Sent: 07 January 2009 15:27 PM
To: San-Mari Swart
Subject: RE:
No why
From: San-Mari Swart
Sent: 07 January 2009 03:26 PM
To: Tasneem Klinck
Subject:
do you have rope or a blunt knife?
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Monday, January 05, 2009
ha ha
Light travels faster than sound.
That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
I did not hit you - I simply high fived your face
Some people are like slinkies..
Good for nothing.
But they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Happy 2009
Happy 2009 people! Hope you had a lovely festive season!
You can see it was the holidays in Joburg, cos everybody is smiling and happy for a change..
Well this is going to be a hectic year for me - carrying on with the degree...starting a new job (which is sending me on two trips this month alone)
So, if you don't hear from me a lot, you know it's cos I am running the rat race here in good old Jozie and all over the rest of SA!
But, I have a good feeling about this year..my new year's resolution is to be a well balanced and happy individual. Nothing more and nothing less!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
